Power struggle in a relationship
I’ve been together with my partner for 1.5 years and do think that he is someone I would like to live my life with. Personally I believe that everyone is imperfect in some way, and that all relationships has its ups and downs in its lifetime.
I’ve always been attracted to “drive”, to have someone not just to grow old together, but to “grow” together.
To start the story, my relationship with my boyfriend is not a traditional one and it comes with an imbalance of financials. I (female) am currently drawing a salary of more than 2x that of my partner (male).
In all honesty, I do think money can be earned and is not a representative of a person’s ability. I am also more of a “earn more and save more” person whilst he is a “spend within your means” person. Both of which are equally correct.
There are many parts of my partner that I admire, the fact that he treats the less fortunate well (is nice towards cleaners, elderly), a natural “people person” and also a smart guy, in both EQ and IQ. He treats me well, dotes on me and looks after me.
Over our period of dating, my partner has been relatively resistant to the growth mindset, happy with the status quo and has constantly voiced that he is happy being a supportive partner & a house husband.
I have always believed that people shouldn’t be forced to do what they do not want to do, and have come to terms that my partner has no plans to hustle at work (or out). A part of me sees it as such a huge waste of his amazing potential but it’s fine – I don’t want to see him unhappy.
With that being said, I do think it is right for me to keep him to his word of being a “supportive partner”.
Till today, he has refused to meet 90% of my close friends even though I had mentioned that it would mean a lot to me (the relationships are extremely important to me and my career). FYI – we have already met each others family and his close friends. Because of this, I often feel sad not having the support I really need.
He also constantly makes it a point for me to feel small. He would nitpick on my mistakes, making sure I paid for it by doing the same thing against me in days/months/years later just to proof a point that I was wrong.
Oftentimes, he would see me as a villain in the relationship. In one instance, he accused me of trapping him into applying for a BTO for the sake of me wanting to own a home when it was really for his sake (income ceiling issues) Like bruv, I can buy my own house.
I’d like to emphasise here that he really does treat me well and makes me happy. He takes care of me, cooks for me and takes long walks with me. But like I said, it’s not always sunshine and rainbows (no relationship is). Trying to think positive here.
I think my partner acts the way he does because of financial inferiority but i do hope he knows that I see him as an equal.
Not asking for advice to stay/ break-up, I’ve already decided that I would like for this to be a lifelong relationship.
Just wondering if there’s anyone out there with a similar experience, happily married and can provide some words of encouragement that I can keep for life.