thoughts on drawing financial boundaries with parents?
For context, I’m an only child in my late 20s, have been very financially independent since I was 18; pretty much settled my college fees myself and have been financially providing for my single parent since I graduated. I’ve been giving a generous allowance and paid for everything around the house + groceries + food and/or any trips we take. I’m also mostly responsible for about 70% of housework.
At the risk of sounding unfilial, I’m starting to recognise I’ve grown resentful of our situation. I’ve never had a birthday present gifted to me, I’ve never had a day out with my parent where they paid for anything. Each time I spend a day out with them I spend at least $150 because they prefer to cab and dine-in. They have never offered to pay me back when we go shopping/grocery shopping, it could be $200-300 and still, nothing. I usually give $1000+ for CNY & extra money for house decorations and this year, they got extremely upset when I ended up cutting back.
I know, they raised me when I was younger, but I can’t help but feel quite upset about the state of my finances right now. Even though I’m still giving them an allowance, I’m starting to draw the line now and asking for them to go dutch / pay for their own purchases and they’ve expressed a lot of anger and frustration at this. I don’t know what are healthy boundaries to set, neither do I know how to explain to them that I feel resentment.
It would be great to get some advice from everyone.
Financial Advice and Responses
- If your financial goal is to have more savings, communicate with your parents about it.
- Ask if they can cover some household expenses to help you save more.
- Be prudent with your finances and planning, as no one else will do it for you.
- You set a precedent and now want to change the status quo.
- Their reaction is understandable as it’s now seen as an entitlement.
- You are not wrong; you are a good child.
- As a parent of 4 kids, I don’t want any money from them since I’m still working.
- Enforcing such rules might strain relationships.
- Living costs are high; give less if your parents are still working and don’t feel guilty.
- Don’t say “I’m cutting back because it’s not fair.”
- Instead, say “I’m cutting back due to financial trouble/wanting to start a family.”