I fell in love with a colleague who left his gf of many years for me and now wants to be with both of us, because he cant turn off his feelings for her or me.
Context
I (32) have been in a relationship for 4 months with a man (43) who left his girlfriend of many years (>15) for me.
Supposedly nothing was bad in their relationship and everything was perfect, but he developed feelings for me.
I quickly fell in love with him, we were on the same wavelength straight away and since he was living with her before, he moved out and in with me as that was the easiest solution.
He was honest with her and with me from the start and nothing happened with us until he ended his relationship.
He is also a work colleague, at a job I just started, just before we met.
He has been at a point 2 times where he doubted so much that he wanted to break up. He couldn’t turn off the feelings for his ex.
I understand that because it takes time after such a long relationship and feelings don’t just disappear.
But I thought that it takes time and when the house he and she share is re-rented and he has found his own place, we can focus on us.
He has found a flat that he can move into soon and we cleared out the house at the weekend and moved the furniture into containers.
As of now, their house is newly rented and I was very happy about that. Moreover, it was very intense and beautiful with us in the last time and I had the hope that everything would be fine.
Nevertheless, I constantly had a bad feeling that something would happen and he would leave. And last night he finally told me that he can’t and won’t turn off the feelings he has for his ex.
But that he also has feelings for me that he can’t and won’t turn off. But he can’t go on like this and be with me, but not with her. And the other way around. In short, he wants both.
I am totally overwhelmed and don’t know what to do now. Of course, this has shocked me and I feel sick at the thought of him being in a relationship with both of us at the same time.
On the other hand, I wonder if I’m not open enough and should give it a chance because what we have is incredible.
Also, this is the first time I’ve been happy with a job and I absolutely don’t want the situation to ruin that for me.
This all sounds super absurd and feels weird to write and I feel stupid for getting into such a situation, but maybe someone here has been in a similar situation and has a tip or two to deal with it.