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Wednesday, December 7, 2022


I regret leaving my wife for my GF. I don’t know if I have the right to ask her to take me back


My wife and I separated a year and a half ago. Before that we were together for 15 years. 15 happy years. We have two daughters together. 14 and 12. The last two years of our marriage I thought that we have achieved all that we could achieve. Nothing changed and we knew each other by heart. The pandemic years were hard on me mentally being stuck at home 24/7.

When I went back to the office after two years, I thought my change of humor to the positive was because I wasn’t with her, instead of the fact that I could actually get out again. I met Ana (f32), she was one of the new people that we hired. Ana is free and happy. Social and high spirited. She took the office by storm. She was the opposite of my shy and calm wife. I remember when I first met my wife. I was the one who asked her out, and first two years into our relationship she confessed to me that she had liked me for at least a year before I asked her out. With Ana, she was honest and verbal about how she had a crush on me. Like an open book. She proposed to me. I told her that I was married and she said that we only lived once and that she just wanted to tell me how she felt no matter if I reciprocated or not. I felt strongly for her. I confessed to my wife that I was out of love with her.

She asked me if there was someone else and I said yes. That was enough for her not to try to dissuade me. I know that she was hurt and suffering in secret and I never tried to console her because I didn’t want her to know that I knew how much she was hurting. Her pride has always been her dearest possession, I moved out a week later, to Ana. I thought that I was going to be over the moon now but something that was missing even when I felt happy. I thought it was me missing my children and my home. I was used to be with my daughters every day and now I see them only half the time. I thought it was my daughters crying and not speaking to me that hurt me. I thought it was the disappointment in their eyes that disturbed my sleep at night. My wife was my rock even in separation. She made sure that the girls didn’t refuse to see me. She kept my image whole and always spoke to them about how I loved them and how good father of a father I was. I knew she was hurting and I could see her missing me but she never once lost her dignity.

Ana had surprised me with a trip overseas because I was feeling down that this would be the first time I wouldn’t celebrate with my daughters who chose their mother. Ana always understood that my blueness was because I missed my girls all the time and she tried everything to cheer me up. The night before I we took our trip I dropped by my wife to leave my daughters presents. My wife opened the door and she just looked so serene.


I lost my balance on an ice patch and she just said ops and ran towards me to help with the gifts. I caught a whiff of her smell and that was when it all hit me. I did miss my children and my home and my stability but most of all I just missed my wife. I missed her warmth, her voice, her calmness, her wit and most of all her smell when I buried my face in her hair and neck on Saturdays when we could sleep in. I knew that I never really stopped loving her. She wasn’t the reason I went through a dark period she was the only light that pushed me forward. I have always missed her. I have tried to explain it away because I have this new brilliant girlfriend who is so different who is teaching me how to be excited again. Every time my wife face is the first thing I thought of when I woke up in the morning and looked at the person next to me. And every time Ana kissed me and I closed my eyes to try and imagine my wife’s smell I pushed these thoughts away because I thought of how miserable my life had been these pandemic years.

My wife was putting up the Christmas tree and I asked her if I could stay for a beer and she said yes. I started crying in our kitchen and when she asked I told her that I was missing the girls and how strange it was not to celebrate with them. She comforted me and told me that everything will be okay and to have a nice trip. Change is never easy even if we wanted it.

Now another Christmas is approaching. Ana has booked a new adventure for Christmas and I didn’t even protest. For the last year, picking the children up or dropping them off has been what I look forward to just to see my wife’s face. I have noticed how she has become happier and more in terms with the changes and I envy her. I wish I could just tell her how I feel but I don’t want to disturb her healing when she’s come so far. I love her like I never loved her before but I dont deserve a moment more of her life after what I did.

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