Need some advise. Some context here, M(34) working in a ok job and studying part time as well and planning to get married within the next year if possible with partner of 2 yrs+ who is 1 yr younger.
The dynamics of my own family has changed quite a bit at the start of the year due to my father falling down and accelerating his dementia as well.
The things have changed even more so as I have became a part time caretaker of my own father but it has been proving difficult for me to do so due to sudden changes for a dementia patient and add to the fact that I am fairly terrified of my father even at my age due to past traumas as a kid and it became very hard to take care of him by not being able to see him as a burden.
Thankfully my mother is doing most of the work with a helper by calming him and taking care of him but his sudden loud voice can affect me quite badly and it has affected my sleep and well being where I have lost 5kg over the course of 1 month ever since he came back from the hospital. Things are becoming better but I cant seem to see it that way even though I am now mainly a support role due to the fear I have of him. Also I am not that close with my family as well as you can call me the sensitive one and the other members will shake it off as ‘You think too much’ and would not listen to me and I have to help myself most of the time when problems arises unless it is a very major problem where I break down entirely.
I am doing as much as I can to move on to the next phase of my life which is marriage where I am researching the best way to purchase a new home or what I should or should not do in a marriage by going for marriage counseling with my partner as well. However the issue would be my partner’s uneasiness of moving on to the next phase of her life. She is helping as much as she can for helping for suggesting ideas but the issue would be her parents where we have not made much progress as I have made a mistake once two years ago over a dining table where perhaps due to miscommunication and different thinking between the young and the old, I have not seen one of her parent for at least 2 years.
I have been slowly getting into the good books of the other parent but it would definitely be very hard to do so for the other parent. So right now she is sort of stuck in between her parents and her feelings and me on moving forward as well.
I have been doing the best I could as well by being supportive, reading up, trying to get into the parents good books and I def want her in my life for the rest of my time but at this point it feels like I am stuck not being able to move forward as I cant do this nor that and any action that is needed by my partner cant be done or she does not feel comfortable doing it.
So at the moment it seems hopeless as I am stuck in a very unhappy place and I want to get out of it but my circumstance and financial burden on myself would be great if I do move out as rental right now in SG is quite high. We did talk about this but as her capabilities of handling these kinds of issues arent that great and the more I share with her, the worst it becomes for her and I tend to keep things to myself more often now
I know there is a solution out there but at the moment I think I am in a ostrich in a hole where it seems I am fighting a war by myself and solving everything by myself as well.
P.S I have been seeking help regarding my mental health but it has been a recurring battle with myself over the past decade as new problems keep coming up and it does not help when I’ve lost family members one by one in the 2nd month of 2023 and as of now I have been to 3 funerals where one of them I had to handle the rites and any final paperwork regarding that particular member. Add on with my new role as a caretaker, a part time student, a son, a aspiring son-in-law and a partner to my beautiful gf, I have broken down a few times.
Would appreciate any advise for anyone who has reached the end of this post. Thank you all