I love my wife but I can’t stand my kids
My wife and I were married for seven years before we started having kids. We knew that we had different opinions about kids from before we got engaged.
She wanted a big family, at least three kids. I wasn’t all that into kids in general, and thought three would be a lot, but I also figured that fatherhood is a pretty normal part of adulthood and that I didn’t feel strongly enough to deny her the kids she wanted so much.
Big mistake.
Our kids just enrage me from morning to night. They are so loud, they don’t listen to anything I say, they shout over me and one another, they hit, they break shit all the time, and they just suck the joy out of my waking hours.
Before we had kids, we travelled a lot, went out and enjoyed each other’s company.
Now, we argue over parenting, money, and who is more exhausted and overstretched. I am thoroughly unhappy and can hardly muster the energy to get out of bed in the morning to face these days.
I still love my wife and relish when we can have some quiet time to ourselves and recharge (thank god for grandparents).
But every day there comes a point where I wonder if everyone wouldn’t be better off if we split. I’m not making my kids’ lives better by being here, and my mental health is wrecked.
Guys, don’t think that you can just adapt to parenthood if kids aren’t something you really want.
You need that drive to make it through, and it’s not just going to magically appear. It’s hard to uncouple from someone you love over this, but better to do so before you’re in the thick of it.
Netizens’ comments
Dude you need to have an honest conversation with your wife. Tell her you are unhappy to the point of wanting to bail. Explain to her why.
It sounds to me like they don’t have enough structure within your home. Do they get disciplined? Are there actionable consequences when they misbehave? Is there any kind of structure at all from your wife or you?
These are all things that can be changed and worked on. It sounds to me like you don’t have a bond with your children. Do you want to?
I’d suggest getting one on one time with each of your kids. Go do something fun with each of them that you’d both enjoy. Learn who they are as people. You’re their Dad and will be for the rest of your life. Sure, they’re annoying… most kids around 10 to 14 are.
You can either continue on this road until you inevitably leave your marriage or you can try changing your own behaviors, stepping outside the box you’ve put yourself in, and act like a parent.
Kids are loud and messy. That’s part of the deal. But there are things you can do to improve your home life. Family counseling might help, but so would individual counseling for you. I’d also recommend parenting classes for both you and your wife.
Don’t give up. Work on fixing it.