I had written about my girlfriend’s terminal illness and whether we should get married.
I’m glad to say that we did manage to register our marriage, and even held a small reception with our closest family and friends. From her illness early stages, we try to create as many happy memories as we could, and did our best to fulfill as many of her bucket list wishes as time allowed. Unfortunately, we were unable to check off everything as she has passed on recently few days before her 24th birthday.
Since then, I have been grieving and mourning. Her absence is too overwhelming for me and I find myself lost, unsure of how to proceed with my life now that my wife is no longer here.
I really miss her so much. Waking up without her by my side, missing our shared daily activities, and no longer taking care of her has made me super empty and aimless. My closed ones keep comforting me telling me that my wife would not want me to be consumed by sadness and that I should try to move on but honestly, their advice is impossible. My Parents and Parents in law have been trying to console me but I refused to accept the reality.
Because of this, I’ve found myself pushing them away. My wife’s absence is really painful for me as we’ve been together since secondary school. I’m afraid that moving on will make me forget about her. Memories of her haunts me every day, and the thought of me forgetting about her has made me in denial. At this point, I can’t even bear to look at her photos or her belongings without breaking down. Even writing this is really painful. I have seriously lost all motivations in my life and I’m struggling to cope with the events that has happened. I feel like grieving and mourning will be my new normal activity. I just don’t feel like doing anything anymore. Life is so unfair to me.
I thought that writing in this space can help me to release some suppressed emotions, and perhaps those who have gone through similar experiences could offer some guidance or support.
Thank you for reading this.