A netizen shared how his mother passed away on her birthday and he misses her very much.
Here is the story:
My mum passed away on her birthday last month, and while she was sick and we knew we didn’t have long, this was so sudden and totally unexpected.
I’ve been keeping it together ever since, as I know the rest of my family can’t be stoic in these times.
I didn’t cry the morning she passed, not until I was alone with her to say goodbye, so I could be strong for the people that needed it, and I didn’t cry at her funeral so everyone else could fall apart. I’ve always done it and I’ve usually kept a lid on things, only now it’s getting really hard to be ‘that person’.
One thing about me is that I’m always sad. Always. I have been for nearly 40 years, and so many people think I’m a happy guy as I make everyone laugh or am always so positive when people need me to be, and that’s just because, I think it was the late-great Robin Williams who said something along the lines of ‘I make people laugh, because I know what it feels like to feel truly sad, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.’ I know, I’m paraphrasing, but it’s so true.
Anyway, as I said, I can usually keep a lid on the sadness, so no one knows, not my loving wife, my family or work colleagues, but when I’m alone now, which is a lot due to my wife’s job, I just cant stop myself from crying, and it’s spilling over into when I’m with people.
My wife lay on my chest and asked me if I wanted to get intimate last night, and I had to decline under the pretense that I knew she was tired, but I couldn’t turn my head to look at her because my eyes were so full of tears, so I kissed the top of her head and turned over, to stare at the wall and do everything I could to not start sobbing.
I’m losing control. I’m losing the one thing I have always done, and I am so scared of what will happen if all of this finally comes out.
The sadness.
The loneliness, even in a full room of loved ones I feel locked away.
The very, very bad things I think of myself and the worse things I contemplate daily.
I don’t want to face it.
I just want my Mum back so it can all go back inside.
God, it was all so simple when she was here.