My brother-in-law 45m often demonstrates a lack of respect for personal boundaries in various ways. For instance, he insists on paying for every meal we share, even though my wife and I would prefer to split the bill. Additionally, he often engages in preaching, using grand gestures and behaviors that he cannot consistently maintain.
Recently, I organized a birthday celebration for my wife and invited nine guests, including my brother-in-law. During lunch, he offered twice to pay for the meal. He even asked again as the meal was coming to an end, and my wife also declined. Despite my explicit request not to pay, he went ahead and paid the bill of $458 at the end of the meal.
I was pretty angry and frustrated and I refused to engage in conversation with him, walking off to my car and leaving a family chat group we share in case my anger got the better of me.
Later, my wife texted him and repaid the amount through a bank transfer after some discussion with him and without discussing my feelings with me.
Since that incident occurred a month ago, my brother-in-law has been acting as if he is oblivious to the situation, calling my wife daily for casual chats. Today, I reached a breaking point and asked my wife to stop enabling this charade. I’m unsure whether he feels guilty and calls daily to see if he will learn something or if he is simply oblivious to the impact of his actions.
A few years ago, he evicted my wife from his house because she fell in love with someone he didn’t know (me, duh). This behavior was extremely egotistical and contradicted his supposed care for her (evicting someone for dating someone he doesn’t know). Since then, our relationship with him has been strained, and he often treats us in a patronizing and condescending manner, as if we are socially inferior to him.
I need advice on how to manage this guy and navigate this challenging situation. His mom and wife haven picked his side and they’re calling us names. Very immature.