I am currently planning to leave my wife by citing her infidelity from three years ago as the primary reason. Although we attempted to reconcile and moved into a new condominium in East Coast to start over, the marriage has remained fractured. We have no children, which simplifies the legal separation and the division of our Matrimonial Home under Singapore law, but the emotional weight remains significant.
Six months ago, a woman I consider “the one that got away” re-entered my life. We originally met during our university years at SMU. Years ago, I had the opportunity to pursue a serious relationship with her, but I chose to proceed with my planned engagement to my current wife instead. Since then, both of us have frequently wondered about the life we could have had together. Prior to our recent reconnection, I experienced frequent, recurring dreams about her, which made the timing of her return feel significant.
We have maintained contact through text messages and phone calls, often late at night while I am purportedly finishing work for my IT firm. While we have not had any physical contact, she has been clear about her intentions. She stated that she respects the sanctity of marriage and will not interfere, but she admitted that if my wife ever cheated again or if the marriage ended, she wants a second chance with me. My heart is already committed to this other woman.
My plan is to use my wife’s past affair as my “exit ramp.” Even though it happened three years ago and we officially moved past it, the truth is that the trust never fully returned. I intend to tell her that I can no longer live with the memory of her betrayal and that the marriage is unsalvageable because of it. In reality, I am using this old wound as a justification to pursue the other woman.
I feel a profound sense of guilt. My wife has spent the last three years trying to atone for her mistake, and I know that bringing this up now will devastate her. I am aware that I am being calculated by using a past grievance to cover my current emotional shift. I am simultaneously terrified of the fallout and excited to finally explore the “what if” that has haunted me for a decade. I am choosing to trade the life we built for a new beginning, knowing I am using a three-year-old hurt to facilitate my departure.