This is considered the craziest Chao geng story of a man to escape national service. It might sound a bit far fetched, but its possible and the man is far from insanity, he planned every step of the way.
Here is the story
“Hello people, I would like to share my PES F story.
Before I start, here is to the people who say people who chao keng are pussies, hum ji, ball-less, etc. Not everyone is suited for the military. Not everyone is made for getting shouted at by sadistic superiors. For my case, I decided that NS pay of $480 was not going to cover my housing rent, my car instalment, my food and my other expenses. I was not going to give up my freedom for national duty.
Here is my story. I enlisted directly into HRI as PES E9L9 due to ‘depression’ (as diagnosed by IMH). I first started going to IMH a year before enlistment to build up a case to get a down pes. True enough, I got downgraded to E9L9 from A. As I only have a private diploma and O levels, being PES A will definitely make me a chiong sua man. To me, my business and career are more important than NS. We can leave the NS to those who aim just to be mediocre people in life.
On the day of enlistment, I knew I had to shave my head. Thus I managed to get a memo from the IMH psychiatrist to request an excuse for cutting hair. A bald head would just make taking MCs from hospitals harder. Despite the memo, the commanders were adamant about cutting hair. I then acted up, curled into a ball, clutched my head and start sobbing as loud as I could. Immediately, the OC told me it will be fine and asked me to get it cut myself outside. He then asked me to go see my doctor and I went to IMH. I only spent 1 hour in camp throughout my entire NS life. After walking out of the camp, I immediately went to IMH a&e department and got myself a 4 day MC.
As the 4 day, MC came to an end, I realized I could not go back to camp as I could not leave my work (that would result in me having no money). I then started a spree of MCs from hospital A&Es and polyclinics. These ranged from 1-5 day MCs. Although there is a directive that MCs more than 3 days must be endorsed, I just said I was too sick to leave the house and there was nothing they could do. I believe, somewhere along the line, they instructed hospitals to stop giving me MCs as the MCs started to dwindle to 1 day in duration. I then began to impersonate officers, pilots and even had friends dress up as my superiors wheel me in on wheelchairs to the A&E. Let’s just say luckily the hospitals can’t verify this.
About a month into the MC spree, they had sent MPs to my house multiple times and claimed I wasn’t home (I was at work obviously). Some bastard officer then threatened to charge me for not being at home when on MC. I immediately replied and yelled at him in a maniac voice that I was indeed at home and had just taken sleeping pills issued by the doctor. Why am I not allowed to rest when on MC? Need I be awake just for their stupid house visits?. I then threatened to go see my MP and talk to the press about them harassing me when I was trying to rest and this young punk officer immediately backed off.
The finale and PES F came when one day, they tried to get the police to breach my door down while I was on MC. Luckily I was at home and opened the door to the surprise of the police officers. I then conveyed my intent that I was sick and wanted to rest without being disturbed. They then left without protest.
Knowing that they would soon do more unscrupulous things, I checked myself into IMH for a 2 day resort stay fully paid for by our dear Mindef. The psychiatrist then asked if I would like to continue NS and I replied that I do not want to see people in army uniform as I wish to kill them. Immediately upon my discharge, they scheduled me to see an SAF psychiatrist and he gave me the most Honourable award the SAF can issue, a PES F as well as a 2 month MC to cover me from returning to camp while the PES F processes.
Two weeks later, a call from my camp informed me that my IC could be collected back. I went down, took my IC and walked out a free man, free of any reservist obligations, duty to obtain exit permits. I was and am elated.