A netizen shared how he remarried after divorcing his ex-wife and his daughters have been lying to their mother about their new stepmother starving them, stealing their clothes and etcetera.
Here is the story:
I feel like I’m having to choose between my daughters and my wife (their stepmom)
I just recently remarried and it’s causing some issues with my daughters (15 and 12). They’ve been convincing their mom that my wife is an awful person and making up stories for months now.
Every time I take them back to their mom’s, they come up with something new. Some of the stories they’ve come up with include saying that my wife lets them starve, steals their clothes, yells at them and hits them, destroys and or hides their stuff, the list goes on and on.
None of this has ever happened. In fact they are absolutely rude and awful to my wife to the point where they have made her cry many times. When they’re at my house, I can tell my wife avoids them because of the things they say to her.
Yet their mom believes every word they say and she just now told me she wants sole custody. I don’t know if I want to fight this and be able to have my daughters and be there for them or just let it happen so they can stop making stories about my wife and causing us so much stress. I feel like I can either be a good dad or a good husband but not both.
- Ask them, straight up, ask them,
The question needs to be asked, do they want to stay and change and give the family a chance and go to family therapy or do they want to live with their mum full time. Make sure you tell them why this is going on and ask them what they want to happen
- Yep, they’re kids. The family dynamics have changed, they want to know where they stand and how much power they have. So far, the fact that your ex believes the unbelievable things they say gives them a lot of power over her (and probably a lot of sympathy). And they probably think you/your new wife deserve whatever they do because you divorced their mother. Also, teaming up against the grownups is probably bringing them together in a you-against-them kind of way.
Kids aren’t all the way through Spiderman, they play with power but don’t understand responsibility. They probably don’t even think they can hurt a grownup in a way that matters, it’s all low-stakes to them. Split them up for a conversation to mess with the dynamic, in a way where they aren’t even in contact on cell phones for the duration of the conversation. Talk to them about actions and consequences and what will happen if they continue. And tell them that what happens next is up to them.