What kind I actually expect from a girl in a relationship? This is a genuine question. I am all for woman empowerment. Women have the right to enjoy life and be successful. In the past, females would do household chores, take of children, cook, etc. whereas the guys would do the earning, in charge of protecting the family, etc.. Now, everyone says that it is suppose to be 50-50 so everything is split and I am totally all for this. However, it honestly doesn’t feel that way.
I am going to generalise a little here based on my friends, what I read and my own personal experience so don’t get offended. LOL.
In general, in the courting stage, personally I feel that guys have to do more work – pay for first date, try to impress the girl, plan for the dates, must tolerate the girls bs (some girls literally put that on their dating profile), have to be more successful in career (yeah, even successful girls seem to want someone who is equally or more successful than them), still do the protecting, etc. Girls don’t need to plan for dates, just come to the date and expect the guy to carry the conversation (not all girls like that but a lot of them are), expect guy to be humorous (when they are not humorous themselves), etc. The worst thing is that sometimes they complain about the date or complain about the conversation flow without putting any effort into the date or conversation. The best part is that are expecting me to guess what kind of date they want by doing mind-reading.
In the steady relationship stage, guys still do more work, still planning dates, planning and spending for special occasions, etc. When a guy’s planned date goes horribly wrong, it is my fault. Everything is my fault. Earth is a sphere, yes, it is my fault that it isn’t cube. Just kidding.
I am in a relationship and I have to put in a lot of effort to maintain it. The worst part is that a lot of the effort goes unseen. I understand that it isn’t going to be even but I don’t feel like my partner is putting much at all. One day, I asked my gf if she can try a more sexier style for me and she said no. I asked maybe just wear for dates (not change your style everyday) and she downright said no and said that I was objectifying woman. I am a visual person and I have preferences but if she is uncomfortable, then I told her that I won’t force her and I backed off. I asked if we can try some spicy stuff in bed and she said no. Fine, I backed off again. I asked her if she could do some planning for dates as I was really busy with work. Her dates were bare minimum effort and weren’t thoughtful about me but in her mind, they were amazing. After a few months, she was complaining to her friends that she didn’t feel like a priority to me, so I started to plan again while juggling my stressful work.
Planning a date while having 9 to 5 job is way different from having to plan a date while doing OT till 9pm almost everyday.
Barbie is my gf’s favourite character like ever. Normally, I would tell her to watch with her friends and she would be fine with it. Since it was her fav character, she wanted to watch with me. I was really not interested in watching the movie. I wanted to watch Oppenheimer with my friends. She said that I valued my friends more than her because I am choosing my friends instead. So I have to make the sacrifice.
The best part in all of this was this particular dinner. I was having dinner with her family. First, she complained that I was dressed sloppily. To me, I already met her parents a lot of times so I wanted to wear something casual and comfortable. So I am not allowed to comment on her style while she can control mine. Then, I blabbered something to her parents (something about her work) which she told me not to tell them. It was a honest mistake and I apologized to her. She said that I cannot keep secret and needed to think about our relationship, basically, considering breaking up with me. I am not going to downplay my actions, yes I hurt her and it wasn’t right but considering breakup….seriously?
I have made so much more sacrifices for her than her and I put in way more effort than her. Girls expect guys to be successful in our career but complain that we don’t put in time for our relationship. Now, she can just break up with me and all the years of effort becomes nothing instantly.
In summary,
I cannot ask her to dress in a certain way for me or I cannot ask her to try spicy things in bed because I am a pervert and misogynist. I cannot ask her to plan or put in effort for dates or conversations. I cannot ask her to plan Valentine’s day for me instead because traditionally, guys are suppose to be the ones doing and all her friends have awesome dates planned by guys. I thought we threw traditions away and replaced it with equality? Basically, I feel as though they choose everything that is beneficial for them and ignore everything that is non-beneficial for them.
I just want to know exactly what guys can ask or expect from a girl to contribute in a relationship? What is their role in a relationship?