Became a doctor for the wrong reasons, feeling disillusioned
I used to do relatively well in school, so when the time came to choose a course, medicine was a natural decision for me.
Natural not because of some gravitation towards helping people or other noble desires, but rather it was more of just a question of studying the best course available to me at the time.
I guess it was partly ambition. With many friends and family members scrutinising my every achievement, I needed to show that I could do it, I could make it, I could be somebody and have a nice title to prove it.
As I progressed in my studies, it became increasingly apparent that many aspects of the field just did not appeal to me. Often I just faked interest to blend in but did the bare minimum in the things I hated just to get it over with. I found myself repeatedly questioning myself about my decision to go into medicine if I’m really cut out for this etc. (Though after speaking to some close doctor friends, I realised I wasn’t the only one who harboured such thoughts.)
Nevertheless, I pulled through with my studies because I had already sacrificed too much to consider changing courses.
Now here I am, a clinician who hates clinical practice, who loathes having to stick things up people’s butts and pretend it’s normal, who dislikes doing any kind of procedure on a patient actually. It’s not that I don’t care about them – I do want someone to help them, I just don’t want to be the one doing it. Some patients are nice and I can suppress my dislike a little bit better, but when a patient is rude or demanding, I would have no qualms about telling them to f*k right off. (Not in those words exactly, but just enough to not be held accountable for it) I mean there are plus sides too for sure, I don’t have to worry too much about cash, job security is rock solid, I get substantial attention from girls, people respect me for what I do, and the field is dynamic so it never gets boring.
All things considered, I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable to think about switching careers, especially after having spent so much time and effort in medicine.
But I mean what else could I do? I don’t particularly like research, and none of the clinical fields I have encountered thus far appeal to me either…