So I am an ugly guy. People have said I am a 0 or even a -100 to my face and yes, this includes both gender. I am kind of low in terms of intellect. I barely scrape through things by putting my life and soul into studying my entire life. Most people can absorb things way faster than me. I somehow managed to graduate.
I was bullied a lot in school because of how I looked and how stupid I was.
Due to this, I talk very little, almost only if neccessary, and I have no friends till this day. I basically stay invisible where ever I go. I am actually quite scared of people, especially if they are really good looking or smart because they say the most hurtful things.
I have to work at least 3x harder than my colleagues to do the same thing at work. I am slower than everyonem People talk behind my back and I have accidentally seen their whatsapp messages about me. They dont outright bully me so at least I am happy about that.
I met a colleague who was nice to me whenever we talked. She was kind so I really liked her. I helped her when she got stuck as she was new. She was really beautiful too. I thought maybe something good was going to happen, like maybe I get something good in my life after all the suffering. In the end, I found out that she got into a relationship with a handsome and rich guy. I felt I was pranked by heaven and so stupid to think that a beautiful girl would even like me.
I tried dating apps and even some dating events. My requirement is basically anyone who can accept me. I dont care if the person is ugly, not smart or poor. I do wish the person is a little kind and doesnt hurt me. I got insulted and even gotten disgusted looks on events. Also, no swipes on apps unless it is a bot.
I dont drink alcohol, gamble or participate in any vice activities. Contrary to what everyone thinks, I dont play computer games or even watch porn. I like painting – like on canvas, scultpures and other stuff. My painting skills suck but I like doing it because I feel at peace stroking the brush and there is no one there to hurt me.
I do get jealous when I see people my age having gf, wives, hanging out with friends or even just enjoying simple things like drinking together.
I keep reading that everyone has a purpose on this earth. I really cannot think of anything for me. I am pretty much horrible at everything. I just wish I knew why I was even created.