Do most Singaporeans lack the ability to appreciate?
Hi peepo,
Lately, after having a HTH with a friend about certain issues and how actions and intentions were percieved by different parties, I’ve come to realise that gestures and deeds of goodwill are taken for granted, viewed as an expectation rather than something more.
For example, with the constant posts about reserved seating, do people stop appreciating the gestures of giving a seat because it has become mandated by posters and social conditioning?
For another example, gift giving. Back in uni, a certain social group I was in created a group chat that tracked the birthdays of different members/people of interest, where the group will collate gift ideas and spread the cost among the members. Back when money was tight for me, I skipped out on putting my name in for one occasion and was ostracized for it, being named and shamed on the spot. I feel like gifts should be personal instead of being a chore and would rather buy something that I felt the best for the reciever. Point being that sometimes, gift giving felt like a chore/obligation instead of it being a sincere gesture of friendship.
Other examples from different threads also point out about being used as a friend, where friendships are transactional. I do understand that sometimes friendship requires kinship, where something in common or something transactional could fulfil the criteria. In my experience, sometimes intentions behind certain gestures are not interpretated correctly due to difference in values which leads to misunderstanding, which caused me to feel unappreciated for my well-intentioned actions.
In broader terms, do we as a nationality lack the empathy to appreciate the actions that others do? Be it spouse, friends, colleagues, event organizers, service workers, healthcare workers? Or am I just being too idealistic. Do other countries or societies have it better or worse?
Netizens’ comments
Isn’t your post also a result of the lack of appreciation?
TLDR: Be the change you wish to see. Also, don’t let your world be filled with all that is wrong and miss out on all that is right.
“For example, with the constant posts about reserved seating, do people stop appreciating the gestures of giving a seat because it has become mandated by posters and social conditioning?”
Sure, some people make the headlines for feeling entitled to reserved seating but so many others appreciate when seats are given up. It especially warms my heart when I see someone giving up their seat and the reciprocation of a warm smile and a sincere thank you which is most days, most of the time. I can’t even remember the last time I personally saw a nasty interaction over reserved seats.
“Point being that sometimes, gift giving felt like a chore/obligation instead of it being a sincere gesture of friendship.“
I’d attribute this to being young and immature more than anything. If anyone continues to experience this into adulthood, I’d question their choices in friends rather than expect their friends to change.
i.e. I have friends that love giving gifts while I don’t, while I express my affection in acts of service mostly. They have never asked for a gift they felt I owed them, neither have I expected them to do more for me.
“In my experience, sometimes intentions behind certain gestures are not interpretated correctly due to difference in values which leads to misunderstanding, which caused me to feel unappreciated for my well-intentioned actions.”
As you grow older, you should begin to realise people are not mind readers. If you ask me, this is a bigger issue with Singaporeans. Their inability to communicate effectively.
i.e. Friend X asks me if I think friend Y feels they are too <insert query>. I’d simply go into the group chat and go, Hey Y do you think X is <insert query>?
Don’t guess, don’t assume, don’t expect your friends to know how you feel and think if they don’t maybe they aren’t your true friends at all. If you can’t even trust them to handle a simple query, why are you even friends? This does not apply only to friendships but all relationships.