Why do Singaporeans gatekeep their circle of friends?
So I grew up and studied in Singapore, but have had the opportunity to spend a portion of my adult life in UK and Australia. I have been back in Singapore for a few years now. And this is my observation.
The ang mohs tend to co-introduce to each others friends and that’s how your network grows wider. Like, a friend of mine will jio me for a group lunch even though I don’t know any of his friends. And vice versa.
And over time, we all become one big group of friends (and sometimes acquaintances cos its impossible to get along with everybody).
I realise for Singaporeans, people don’t tend to introduce their friends to another group of friends. In fact, quite the opposite.
There was once I was trying to organize 2 groups of friends to join together for an activity but both sides were very against the idea. They did not see it as a good opportunity to connect and make new friends at all. I was quite dumbfounded.
I feel this is probably why many Singaporeans feel lonely and isolated. It has to do with this gatekeeping of one group of friends from the other.
My few years back in Singapore has left me feeling frustrated that I have been unable to make as many new friends as I did overseas.
Thoughts?
Netizens’ comments
It’s a cultural thing, but I’d like to correct your assumption. It’s an ang moh thing, if you define ang moh as “red-haired” or anglos (UK, Oz, USA).
Having lived and worked in multiple countries, groups of friends tend to not mix so well and people tend to gatekeep their circle of friends in Singapore, Germany, France, Korea, and many other countries. I guess in societies where people are colder at first contact tend to do this, while societies where people are “warmer” at first would indeed introduce people to each other.
Two different ways of doing things. I think for many of us, friendship and social circles are long term commitments, and bringing new, random people to a well-established group might be perceived as potentially rude or inconsiderate. I would consider introducing a new person to a circle if I am more or less 100% certain that this person would be a good match.
I understand it can be hard for you if you’re used to the other style, but the problem you encounter is definitely not 100% singaporean.