Parents with negative mindset
Just a rant. I am a mid 30s year old doctor who is currently overseas. Came from a poorer background and somehow quite lucky to be in my position now.
However I still hold alot of resentment to my parents. When I was training as a specialist few years ago , there was alot of pressure for me to earn more money to support the family because my mother wants to retire.
So I had to quit my specialist training and become a gp. Essentially my dad does nothing for us and is quite lazy when he was young. He has no retirement fund ( less than $1k in bank) at the age of 75 and is constantly manipulating my mother to get money from me and my sis.
And he has never taught me anything as a child and feels like a house mate kind of father. He would still ask my mum for allowance after spending all his salary. My mother is fantastic for being able to provide for me and my sis. However she is constantly negative on the phone whenever I call her. She would either complain about her life or compare her life with other people whom she thinks are doing better.
She would even complain that other people are not nice to her when they actually are but because of their poorer background they are giving fruits or 2nd hand items so doesn’t value it as much. She is constantly also using me to be a conduit to get what she wants from my auntie and sister. Always saying that they disrespect her and scolding her, so as her son I feel that I have to stand up for her and speak to them on her behalf.
So the end result is I am sucked into this endless spiral of arguments whenever I am back from overseas. My work is already stressful enough and when I speak to her I feel even more stressed out and I just become really upset and angry. I really love her as my mother but I can’t help feel that I am in a toxic environment which is not positive for me.
And somehow it is constantly weighing on me that I am a failed doctor because I didn’t complete my specialist training because of them. I can’t help but compare myself with colleagues that come from richer backgrounds and are able to do what they are passionate in medicine.
Sometimes I have the feeling of not speaking to them anymore but still provide them with a monthly allowance. It sucks because I feel like I am not a filial son.