I had been friends with her for many years. We were close and shared a lot of secrets. I was like a brother to her and she had feelings for me.
I knew that, but I couldn’t bring myself to reciprocate the same feelings. I wanted to tell her that I wasn’t interested in her in that way, but I didn’t want to hurt her.
Told her that I will only consider her if all else fails
So when she asked me out, I told her that she would always be my reserve choice. I said that if I couldn’t get any girls to date me or a girlfriend, then I would consider her.
I thought it was a good compromise. It would let her down gently, without making her feel rejected.
But it didn’t work out like I thought it would. She was devastated. She kept asking me why I didn’t want to be with her.
I tried to explain that it wasn’t that I didn’t want to be with her, it was just that I didn’t feel the same way she did.
I tried to tell her that it wasn’t her fault, but she wouldn’t listen. She accused me of playing games with her and said that I was stringing her along.
I was so embarrassed. I felt like a complete jerk. I had hurt her and I couldn’t take it back. I had made a mistake and I was paying for it.
The next day, she had already moved on. She was dating someone else and seemed happy. I was relieved that she had found someone else, but I was also sad. I had lost her as a friend, and I knew that she would never trust me again.
I had made a mistake by telling her she was my reserve choice. I should have been honest and told her that I didn’t feel the same way.
I should have been more considerate and not led her on. But I was too afraid of hurting her.
My mistake cost me a good friend. And it taught me a valuable lesson: never again put someone’s feelings on the line just to spare my own.