Please help. I ORD-ed a few months ago but after completing my service, now more than ever I feel an unbearable rage that I was forced to waste away what should/could have been the best two years of my life.
Most females around me think that girls should have it easier than men
Before having joined NS, a few of my teachers (not many did but whenever it happened it was always a female teacher who didn’t serve -_-) constantly brought up NS as something as a grand and delightful experience, something that people should be jealous of (Spoiler: It was not).
Many of my teachers were also gender biased, (some more openly like the feminazi humanities teachers and the rest more discreetly by simply being nicer to girls) and when I spoke about this during recess one of my female classmates said that “It’s only fair that girls have it easier in schools because women have it way harder in the workplace.” and the rest actually agreed.
I was shocked that my female peers, who were my age and at the time had never worked, held such pessimistic views about their future prospects, that they would surely be victimized and offended that they assumed that I and my male friends would be their oppressors even though we had been getting along so well.
Apparently, according to my classmates and teachers, misandry in earlier stages of life is to account for misogyny later.
Now that I have endured misandry throughout my education and suffered through National service am I now required to be a misogynist in order to maintain equity between the genders?
For what have I been forced to stay up, skip meals, and be berated by my superiors on countless occasions over the last two years? Why are my female peers studying, earning money, and enjoying life at my expense? I have become so old and what do I have to show for it?
I could change my perspective in hindsight but I find that I am unable to lie to myself and look back on NS positively. It’s weird because while I was serving I thought that it was better if my female peers didn’t have to suffer.
That it was better if I just took one for the ‘team’. However, after I have ORDed I am extremely jealous and unable to accept the realities of my situation. Flashbacks of my school and NS time keep haunting me and I have been losing sleep.
Over the last few weeks, I have been ruminating a lot and reading more news articles on female criminals getting away with committing crimes by dodging caning, being preferentially treated in family court, and how NS will mean even less in the future (though to be fair I already knew this one before enlisting).
At first, I went on AWARE’s website to try to learn about and understand women’s struggles but I was completely unable to take any of their material seriously. Now I catch myself going on there just to belittle them and justify my hatred of feminists.
Recently, I needed to go back to my JC to pick up some documents for university applications and I, unfortunately, ran into my English teacher (and of course, the piece of **** brought up NS) and I had this burning desire to punch her for all the stress she caused me.
Obviously, I didn’t, and that’s why I am able to type this rant now but it’s sad because I had much better able to tolerate her before NS which ironically was supposed to strengthen my mental fortitude.
Finds it harder to respect the females around him
I have been finding it harder to talk to and respect my female friends and coworkers at my part-time job. I tried to more casually bring this up within my friend circle and terms degrading gender like “small d- energy” and “incel” are thrown around to quickly shut down the conversation, although I am glad that at least some of my male friends are still able to be themselves post-NS.
I know I can no longer do anything about the lost time. I know I’m heading in a bad direction, I can’t stop myself and I don’t want to drag my other friends down into this spiral.
I want to just grow up and be happy. Does anyone have any advice on how I can move on?