Unspoken rule of giving bonus to mother
Yes, I have ever heard of such a rule before, from my mother. I think I am at an earlier career stage compared to you because I don’t have kids and I recently only got to the stage where I have bonuses.
Previously no bonus so my mother didn’t ask for it. But my mother had a simple rule, 1/3 of salary has to go to her. And turns out that bonus is included. For now, I give her 900, sister gives around 600-ish, cus married. She hasn’t worked full time for almost 20 years and is relying on CPF payouts. Zero debt, HDB fully paid off by father.
When I got my 1st ever bonus she asks for it. Such parents exists and before this becomes a comparison between our mothers, here are my though and what I did.
As I have given up on convincing my mother to 1) Spend less 2) Have a source of income. I decided to work on what I can control, me.
I didn’t give my bonus as I did not want to open up a trend. I simply kept quiet and ibank the same amount every month. I don’t give her cash, because if I pass it to her, she can count and make comments immediately. When I ibank, she will see it whenever she sees it.
I stopped telling her my real salary. She did guessed quite closely once, but I did stopped giving her a proportional increment. It will stop at $900.
I made sure she had enough money, which she definitely does and that she has medical insurance. (Medishield and CI protection)
She will still always make remarks about me having to sponsor her new tablet, laptop, hp, holiday, whenever she wants them. I just kept quiet and let her drone on. $900 is all she is getting.
These two years through covid-19, it made me realised that I have been groomed to be an “asset” since I was a kid and it sux to be a money tree.
A lot of people will say, move out, cut contact with her. That’s easy to say, but there are many considerations. Does everyone want to get to the drastic stage where we cut contact with parents? I tell myself, not yet. But I cannot be following her rules, I have to plan for myself, I have to plan for my future wife and future kids.
Such bad practice stops at my generation. No more sandwich generation from my kids onwards. It stops at me. I am determined and therefore I started to plug some gaps through insurance and I still continue my practice of giving money to her. I will not give her more.
Another aspect that does not seem to apply to us is Rainy weather fund. I made sure that my mother has certain amount of liquid cash as rainy weather fund because we never knows when a emergency strikes. If she don’t have and don’t plan to have one. Perhaps create a bank account or maybe cash management account with Stashaway or Endowus or what and start saving perhaps 10k for her or what. You never know when it will be utilised, perhaps never, perhaps these money will one day save her and you.
My mother ever said this, in an emergency, as a family, if we are rich, we eat rice, if we are poor, we eat porridge. We will tide it through together.
Sorry, but this is one of the most useless thing I ever heard because action speaks louder than words. Ya, try telling that to the expenses when they come. Perhaps can delay paying the expenses a bit, but still must pay right? And who gonna pay? Not the mother right?
Moral of the story, think for yourself, prepare ahead, plug potential gaps.
Essentially, parents are adults as well. They have to be responsible for their own lives and expenses as well. As kids, money we can give, but with a limit.
If it is our kid, maybe a 13 or 14 year old child, then no choice, we bring them to this world and they are still of the age of nurturing, we have to suck it up and bear their expenses. But parents no, they are fully grown adults, they cannot be compared to a child, they have to be responsible.
Just look at Anita Mui, dead for 20 years and mother still leeching off her.