rant: is it possible to save the rs or help my gf if she refuses to seek help?
i don’t know if my gf has an anger mgmt issue, is schizo, bipolar or smthg else but wtv the case is, i just hope she can get better
normally she is super nice, very sweet, even thoughtful. but once in a while she transforms into someone i don’t even recognize. i live in stress everyday for fear of her fiery temper and i have no idea when it will next strike.
she is also an avoidant. when she is angry she will disappear on me and even block me on social media with no warning. other times when she did not go so extreme she just goes on a few hours long screaming match at me while i can only listen.
the strange thing is she is normally a good person so it is not like she is like this everyday.
i love her a lot but it has already been two years and the situation has not improved. she is super touchy about the word mental health so it is impossible to suggest to her that smthg may not be quite right or she shld learn better habits. i have tried to talk to her about this when she is her normal self but she forgets all her promises the next time she gets pissed.
when she gets pissed she will also insult me and say a lot of things which are just not true. it is really hurtful and damaging. i am not sure if i should take these to heart and discuss the content of what she said each time? as they say no fire no smoke. roughly once a month she breaks up with me and we patch back again two days later all on her own accord.
i am super shag.
Here are what netizens think:
- Instead of trying to put a label to her behaviour, ask yourself why are you still with someone who instils fear in you? Does this feel familiar? Did you grow up around people who behave in a similar fashion? Sometimes we are attracted to what feels familiar when we’re young and not even realise it.
A part of you also have to accept that you played a part in this situation. If you didn’t know how to stop it, you can leave. But you didn’t. Why? Most people who are aware of their own boundaries would have lost patience in less than 2 years.
Instead of trying to diagnose her, ask yourself why have you been enduring this for so long. Face your own demon instead of trying to make her face hers because there’s no way you can change how she treat you as long as you’re still around.
- It’s a little presumptuous of you to say that she has a mental health issue because of her anger. Girls get ESPECIALLY pissed off when you label her anger as a mental health issue. It’s like calling her crazy. All you’re doing is just aggravating her.
Most of the time,a nice girl with anger issues have underlying causes or stuff that she’s been bottling up. You need to find out what it is and work together to solve those issues. Also find healthy outlets for her to vent instead of just relying on her to make promises to improve while you just sit and wait for things to be better.
If she is hesitant or can’t trust you to tell you exactly what’s wrong,chances are the problem is you! If you think you’ve done all you can and still things don’t work out,then it’s best to leave. Some things can’t be fixed no matter what you do.
- You cannot force healing on the unwilling. This is especially the case if she doesn’t see her own behaviour as a problem. This doesn’t mean you can’t work on things from your end though.
Any unilateral effort in a relationship is an uphill struggle from the onset. If you do decide that she is worth the effort and sacrifice, seeking professional help for yourself would be prudent.