My partner (35m) and I (31f) have an argument and I am not sure if I am at fault. My MIL who is from Malaysia (50-something) wants to visit after she has been in our home for a week in April this year.
After she left I made it clear that next time she will be staying elsewhere but my partner disagrees now.
There is a nice hotel just not far away where we usually place our overnight guests. I am also willing to pay for it. I don’t mind her visiting and having her over, doing things with her, taking her out. But I do not want her living here.
When MIL visited in April I was still working from home 100%. She said she would leave after breakfast, and explore during the day until my partner would be home from work. What really happened was that she was home all day, rummaging around and:
- she cleaned my already clean house
- did my laundry including underwear
- took everything out of my cabinets and put it back in in a “more practical” order
- bought things she felt “missing” in our household (a 2nd air fryer?!)Â and acted like a generous saint
- was digging my plants
- came into my home office every 30 minutes to ask something or bring tea even after I told her to stop bc I need to work.
All of that also repeatedly after being asked not to.
In the evenings we decided about dinner the next day and make reservations or I bought groceries to cook a meal we decided on together. On the next day she would always randomly start to cook completely different meals without asking anyone first ignoring the fact we made other plans and ignoring the fact I dislike meat by cooking the most meaty dishes imaginable. Saying “I thought it would be better if I cooked anyways and I don’t mind.”
In the evening they would always fight. She had a nasty divorce from FIL 4 years ago which took a toll on her mental health. I am really sorry that this happened to her but she can’t get over it and won’t seek professional help. Instead she’s crying to my partner about it for 4 years now. When he tries to argue about getting therapy she will get angry and in the end they will scream and she will cry.
When attention was not on her she’d make comments like “I know I am just a burden to you but 2 more days and you’ll be rid of me” and stuff.
I don’t want her to live here again. My partner says I am cold-hearted and because I have such a bad relationship to my own family I can’t understand it.