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Monday, July 22, 2024
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MAN WHO IS A SCHOLAR UNHAPPY THAT HIS WIFE IS DOING BETTER THAN HIM

I was a scholar, did decently well, went on to management associate programme then completed my Masters. Wife is few years younger, attractive and I started dating her when she was an undergraduate.

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I’m few years older than my wife (hence more mature in life) and somewhat successful until early career. I’m also expected to have a higher earning potential than her.

My role has been nothing but supportive to her, and in her words, she won’t be here if not for the guidance, advice and support for her.

I’m struggling now in my personal life and career. When Covid hit, we were badly hit. While she was able to pull through and managed to land a job in something like Big Tech (with awesome benefits package etc). She is also being valued at work, and is poised for promotion soon.

On the other hand, I feel like my life has been in a downward spiral. To name a few, I became obese (BMI 30) and past year attempts to lose weight haven’t been successful. My career seemed to have become those do minimal at work and already plateau. How I ended up here is another story. Trying to find job has been unexpectedly bad. I don’t know if I can blame the economic condition. I’m struggling to find motivation. Sometimes I just want to stay home and take care of our kid. The more I think about that, the more depressed I feel. I don’t think I’m clinically depressed.

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I love my wife very much, and I am proud of her success and at the same time jealous that she is going to live the career dream I want and I’m no where near. Jealous to the extent that I’m whining that she is so busy with work, and wants more attention. I am using the term ‘jealous’ instead of ‘envious’ because I feel that I may start to sabotage her career by guilting her to spending more time with family etc simply because I am spending more time at home.

At times, her company has functions that I have not participated as her spouse. I feel ashamed of where I am, and not worthy of the rising star in the company. She has many colleagues who are even more successful than her (earning a million every few years). I just don’t see how I could fit in with them unless they are a bunch of housewives.

I know gender roles are pretty ingrained in me, and that’s also the case for my extended family. I want to be supportive of her but the stark difference in our career is creating a huge imbalance in me. While I have been “leading”, I have often thought I should just be the “smaller” person, and quietly supporting her.

But I feel sad, that I am not even 10% of my full potential. We communicate very frankly and openly with each other. I shared these thoughts with her, and she just still believe that I can still “make it” and once I do, I would be in much better career than her.

To be honest, I feel battered especially after the past few years and all I’m seeing is me being more and more left behind.

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