My son has cancer and he chose not to seek treatment
My son Khai is 16 yo, he is smart, athletic, and the most loving and funniest human being in the world. I adopted him when he was only 3 years old. His dad died before he was born, from a car accident and his mom (my wife) died from leukemia 5 years ago.
My wife suffered so much from Chemo and radiotherapy, that the drugs that were supposed to save her were killing her slowly. Khai couldn’t even bear to see his mom without crying from seeing her in so much pain. I won’t forget the day she died and how much Khai was suffering, both of us, it was the worst night of our lives.
Sadly cancer run’s on my wife’s side of the family, so Khai began to worry so much about ever getting it after Emily (my wife) died. If I’m honest i didn’t know how to calm down his preoccupations but tried my best, reassuring him that life is so precious and so short to waste it on thinking about possibilities, but even if he gets it we will fight against it, and that i wouldn’t give up on him. That calmed him down and after it, my son has been doing everything he has ever wanted to do.
He has read so many books, going out with his friends, has a girlfriend, and wants a major in biotechnology engineering, damn my boy wants to do so much with his life.
A few months ago Khai started losing weight, i thought it was because of how much he exercises or that it was related to him being a teen. At some point, i worried when he had lost appetite and looked skinnier than before. We went to get him checked but the Dr told us there’s nothing to worry about a week later Khai lost consciousness at school. He was sent to the ER and after two weeks in the hospital, his Dr tells me he has leukemia just like his mom. I damned him since they had told us leukemia is not (in most cases) hereditary but my boy had it. He went straight with me and explained to me that either we get Khai in treatment or there’s a high possibility my son doesn’t get to his 20s.
After that i was crushed, my little boy was dying and i didn’t know what to do. I feel like such a failure as a parent. Khai must have been feeling sick for quite some time now and he never complained or told me. My son doesn’t trust me or was he so afraid of doing so. Maybe if i had taken him on constant check out maybe we would have found out sooner, but i also was afraid of finding out. So i feel it’s also my fault.
This was days ago, and i found the courage to tell him. When i entered his room he looked me straight in the eyes and he immediately knew. He didn’t cry but asked me to hug him, that’s when i told him that whatever he wants to do is ok, and that I’d honor my promise i made him when his mom died. He then apologize to me for not telling me sooner he felt like something was wrong, and he was as afraid as me of him being diagnosed. And that he won’t take the treatment option. He saw his mom and didn’t want to end up in so much pain as she did.
I asked the Drs to explain to him how he will be treated so he could take an informed decision, but still, my son’s choice is to not seek treatment.
I don’t know if i did that so he could choose to live or to let him decide, either way, i’ll be respecting his decision and will be doing everything so he can leave this place feeling like he had a great life.
This is even breaking me or at least the idea my son be on this world anymore, why is the world so cruel to take the best people. And i can’t act in front of Khai as if my world is destroyed by seeing him sick, i have to be brave for him but this is so fucking hard.