I’m F32, married for 4 years to “Andy” (M37).
Andy’s mother passed away in a car accident last year. It was totally unexpected. He was super close to her, and it hit him hard.
I tried my best to stay strong for him and offer comfort whenever he needed it, but it has been so hard being his emotional crutch. Andy stayed at home all day, quit his job and barely paid attention to me. I had to pay all the bills.
Soon, I realised that our relationship was dying. Intimacy was long gone and Andy rarely talked to me. I begged him to go to a therapist, and tried all ways to help him. He refused all of them. It broke my heart to see the man I love fall to pieces.
Yesterday, Andy and I had an argument. I came home from a really bad day at work and found him surrounded by rubbish on the couch. I tiredly asked him to please clean it up, but he refused. Something just snapped in me, and I yelled “I think it’s time you get over your mom!”
Andy looked at me like I was crazy, and said “How could you say such a thing? My mother is not like some crappy ex, it’s my mother! And she’s dead.” I apologised, but told him to look at himself – no job, throwing away his life and relationship with his wife.
He said “It’s already so hard, don’t make it harder. I don’t need you scolding me at the hardest point of my life!” I tried to get my point across but he abruptly got mad then left.
I’ll admit – what I said was horrible. It was unfair to him. But I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel burnt out and I desperately need someone too, just like him. I feel so alone every minute of the day.