My mom has always been criticising my looks/ figure since I was young and that made me have very low self esteem about my image.
She would comment things like – my hip looks big, my buttocks too round, my thighs have too much cellulite, and I don’t have small and nice waist and that whatever I wear looks terrible on me because of my terrible figure. Because of her criticisms, I tend to go on extreme diets and exercise extensively.
Obviously, this is not sustainable. I “deflate” fairly quickly but also “inflate” again when I ate. Things got slightly better after I moved out.
Though I gradually learn to accept how I look, I still feel slightly self-conscious about my figure, would avoid wearing tight-fitting clothes and occasionally still had to intentionally drill into my head that health is all that matters. Recently we had some family weddings to attend and I met my mom at the wedding and she started commenting that I looked the biggest she had ever seen and emphasised repeatedly how terrible I am for not keeping a good figure.
She compared me to other guests and said kept repeating that if only I made effort I would look gorgeous like so and so. She went on commenting on how big my tummy and arms look on the pictures we took at the wedding. (FYI I’m about 155cm and about 50kg- not obese kind but also not the typical skinny girl kind)
When I tried to disregard her comments, she told me that because she truly cares for me and hence she’s telling me the truth.
She added that everyone else would just be nice to say I look pretty but that is not the truth. It’s like a nightmare repeating itself and I can’t help feeling so lousy and bad about myself again… even entertained thoughts like going on extreme diets/ taking weight loss pills or whatever that would help me be smaller!