I (27m) proposed to my girlfriend Ellie (28f) and she said yes. We’ve dated for 6 years, lived together for 3, raised two cats together, and talked about marriage and having children for a long time.
My fiancée is bisexual. Before we started dating, we were friends in uni. When I met her, she identified as a lesbian, which wasn’t a problem for me, I even met a couple of her ex-girlfriends and supported her through her breakups. Later she realized that she was bisexual and again I supported her, then we started dating and I’ve never been happier.
From the start of our relationship, I made it clear to her that her sexuality wasn’t an issue for me and that i accepted her for who she is. However, she’s not “openly” bisexual, as she doesn’t feel that her sexuality is anyone else’s business. For that reason, I never felt the need to tell my mom about her it,,, as I never considered it a problem or a topic of conversation, just a fact.
When I went home for dinner, I told my mom about the engagement. She was very happy since I’m an only child and she sees Ellie as the daughter she never had. A couple of my friends who know about Ellie’s sexuality went over to the house and we had a few drinks. Drunk, one of my friends commented “How does it feel to marry someone who slept with more girls than you?” in front of my mom.
After my friends left, my mom asked me for an explanation and I revealed my fiancee’s sexuality to her. A little confused, she said “Well, now that she’s with you she’s not like that anymore, right?” and I denied it. “No, she’s still bisexual,” to which my mom got a little mad. “How can you marry a lesbian?” she asked me. I explained to her that bisexual is not the same thing, but according to her, “If she has been with women she is a lesbian.”. I decided not to argue with her and went back to my house.
The next day, Ellie showed me a voice message she received from my mom telling her horrible things and refusing to have a daughter-in-law who uses her son as a “screen” to hide that she’s a carpet muncher. I saw red and called my mom. Instead of apologizing, she was offended that I wasn’t on her side and outed my fiancée in front of our entire family. Now some religious relatives are opposed to coming to our wedding, even though my cousins and a couple of uncles and aunts are on our side.
This has been very stressful and hurtful for my fiancée since her sexuality was always a sensitive issue for her (her mom still doesn’t accept it and kicked her out for it) and all this hate towards her makes me fear that she might decide to call off the wedding.
My mom is not generally homophobic, so this new attitude of hers surprises me and makes me think that if I’d told her before, maybe she wouldn’t have reacted this way. So AITA?