For 3 years my mother used the neighbour’s son (Google SWE) to crush my self-esteem. He just got hit by tech layoffs, and my mom’s sudden shift in attitude is sickening.
If you grew up in a Singaporean household, you definitely know the dreaded “Neighbour’s Child Syndrome”. But my mom took it to an Olympic level.
I work in public service. Salary is decent (~$5.5k/month), stable, clear progression, 9-to-5 life. I’m content. But to my mother, I am a total failure.
Why? Because our neighbor down the corridor has a son, “Ah Liang” (29M), who joined Google as a Software Engineer right out of university.
Every single dinner for the past 3 years was a performance review of my life vs. Ah Liang:
- “Ah Liang brought his parents to Japan business class. You bring me to JB only.”
- “Ah Liang bonus 6 months ah! You civil service got 1 month or not?”
- “Ah Liang monthly pay $12k base plus stock options! Look at you, work until so tired for what? Might as well go sell chicken rice.”
It destroyed me. I stopped eating dinner at home. Every time I bought a bag, a watch, or even ordered McDelivery, she would sneer: “Spend money so fast, people Ah Liang save hundreds of thousands already.” Ah Liang’s mom also loved to casually drop his achievements near the void deck, which fed my mom’s insecurity and turned her rage onto me.
Fast forward to two weeks ago. Tech tech tech… mass tech layoffs hit Singapore.
Ah Liang was among those impacted. Cut off instantly, visa/compensation headache, no job lined up in this terrible tech market.
Word spread around the block fast because Ah Liang’s mom was seen crying near the lift lobby.
Guess what my mom did?
The VERY SAME EVENING, my mom cooked a full spread of abalone, steamed fish, and soup. During dinner, she spooned a huge piece of chicken thigh onto my plate with a sweet smile and said:
“Aiya son, actually working in Civil Service is the best! Iron rice bowl! So stable! I always tell people my son is smart, slow and steady win the race. That neighbour’s son high salary for what? Today high, tomorrow no job! So boastful last time, now face all gone!”
I sat there, looking at the abalone, feeling absolutely disgusted.
Not a single shred of empathy for Ah Liang, whom she praised like a deity for 3 years. The moment he stumbled, she immediately dragged him down to stroke her own ego and act like she was “team Civil Service” all along.
I looked at her and said, “Ma, 6 months ago you said I was useless because I wasn’t like him. Now you laugh at him?” She got offended and yelled, “I’m defending you! Why you so ungrateful?!”
I left the table without eating. The toxicity is unbearable. How do you guys cope with parents who treat their children’s careers like stock tickers for their own void deck bragging rights?