How do I proceed …
Lengthy read, please bear with me…
Background:
>only child, parents had me in their early 40s
>Mom has always been verbally and physically tormenting, she left when I was 10-11 years old as she wanted to go overseas and only came back when I was in my 20s
>Mom went overseas for 10+ years , she NEVER sent any support at all to me or my Dad, despite demanding my Dad to pay a lot of money for her to go overseas every time and she would only quickly call maybe 1x every 2-3 weeks and if she does come home it will only be for approx 1-2 months every 2-3 years and she’s out with “friends” on a daily basis
>Mom have her boyfriend/s wherein she spends $$$, all her overseas earnings and other sources (relatives)
>I started working full time when I was 21 to help my Dad with the living expenses, thus didn’t get to graduate
>I left to work overseas to better support my parents since mid 20s, as my Dad retired and finances were very tight
>Dad passed away prematurely about 10 years ago due to Mom’s shady actions to try to get $$$
>No formal investigation was done for my Dad’s passing as my Mom’s side relatives told me to just let it go since she’s quite old and old people have such years more to live plus she is still my mother and I only have one parent left
Current:
>Mom’s is playing the victim and her narrative to everyone is that I have abandoned her and never spoke or visit or send support especially since my Dad passing which is untrue
>Relatives/Friends/Acquaintances would always confront me and scold me on how I “abandoned” my mother
>I would show evidences such as bank remittances, pictures, call logs and etc. which will make people quiet down their anger but never apologize to me on how they treated me based on my mother’s false narratives
>It’s tiring on my part to explain and defend myself against my own mother’s lies
>Mom demands for me to apply for credit cards and get her the supplementary cards for her usage when my salary doesn’t even qualify
>Mom also pushing for me to have a child… according to her so that in case something happens to me my child can take care of her
>Mom still has boyfriend/s until now who she spends my hard earned money on
>Unable to even consider marriage as Mom will surely wreck my marriage , my relationship with my in laws and extort money from them too and exploit them for her means
How I Feel:
> I feel so depressed, sometimes I wonder why God took my Dad instead of the other one and where’s the justice for his death
> I feel regret and should’ve pushed for my Dad’s death investigation and let the law punish my Mom
> I feel my mother just bore me as just to be her retirement plan and to secure $$$ from my Dad
> I feel so drained in all aspects and having the need to deal with Mom’s demands, drama, verbal abuse and antics
> As the only child, I have made life insurance arrangements so if anything happens to me, my mother will have well enough funds to live off for her remaining years but she is unaware of these life insurances as I very much fear for my life.
> I’m already in my 40s, I do my best to do my duties and obligations as an only child but I pray to be free of her, how many more years of my life should I suffer , when can I finally start living my own life….is it even possible?
> My heart feels very heavy ….its been 10+years now ….how does one try to deal with one tormenting toxic selfish parent especially when you know she caused your own father’s untimely death…
How do I proceed …