Is it normal for parents to expect more from the oldest child?
I am not sure if this is due to favouritism or parents just expect oldest child more than the younger ones.
Here are some of the things that I feel quite uncomfortable actually. Now I am around late 20s, sister also working. Mum will give sister angbao during her birthday, but I don’t receive any of these even when I was younger.
Mum also told sister don’t tell me about this…Other than the birthday angbao, mum will usually ask me to buy expensive things for mum’s birthday (like a new aircon), but she won’t have such request for my younger sister.
There are other circumstances whereby mum asked me to pay for my sister uni tuition fee (21k lol), I didn’t and I ended up be her guarantor for the student loan.
Mum will also make me feel bad/guilty/uncomfortable to reject her request. Not sure if I am thinking too much. I wonder if mum just dislikes me or am I just overthinking?
Netizens’ comments
- Your mother treats you like ATM. Time to move out
- Nope. It is call favoritism. I am middle child but I’m the least favorite among my siblings and my mom used to gave my elder sister some nice real gold jewelry and I got nothing. Until I started working I am the one paying the most cause i earn more. :>
- Eldest child syndrome is a very real thing. My mum is a lot more fair and reasonable than yours, but there is still a huge difference in what she expects of me and what she expects of my younger sibling
- It’s not normal but have heard stories like this. Please do not be the guarantor for anyone especially if you are coerced into it. Not sure why your mom could not be the guarantor. You are not your sister’s mom. Your mom is.
- That’s the norm for my mum and me (oldest daughter). For her, it’s acceptable and the right thing for her because that was how her older sisters sacrificed for her and her siblings when they were younger too. Older sisters (my aunts) main role was to help out the family until they are married out of the household. It sucks. And even in my 4th decade – that’s still her expectations of me. I paid younger sibling’s enrichment fees and gave her allowances throughout her tertiary days, paid all household bills since I was 19, and no longer had allowance after 16. 16 was deemed the age oldest child should leave school and work for the household. It’s less of a norm now, in SG at least, but still a norm to elders like my mum (and many of my older aunts). Ps the angpow thing happened not just with my mum, my aunts give my younger sibling angpows but not me too, or they tell her not to tell me that they gave her one or how much they gave.