My fiancé and I just broke up and I feel like throwing up. (First heartbreak) kind words desperately needed.
I met my fiancé when I was 19 (now 24) and he was 23 (now 28) and right off the jump it was a pretty toxic relationship, but we both tried to make it work and eventually, it did.
Until we hit a major roadblock bc his stepfather passed away and that turned out entire relationship upside down. I constantly was getting into it with his mom and his family and it just wasn’t the best we tried to make it work.
We went to therapy and couples therapy and everything was going great and we were getting better. We were supposed to get married this year, but that ended bc his family got into a lot of drama that affected our relationship and my relationship with his mom went south immediately because of the comments she’d made and things she’s done just building up. So a lot happened this year.
And today I blew up and overreacted over a comment he made about finances (I pay for majority of the things and we got into an argument about it bc I asked if he wanted to grab lunch with me —- eventually it led to him saying that we split bills 50/50 and aside from our bills everything else I pay for is “just gravy”) that blew my mind and hurt me so much bc I clearly work hard for my money and I work hard to buy things to make our life comfortable and convenient. I started Grabbing trash bags and throwing everything is bought into them and telling him since it’s just Gravy then I guess we don’t need it anymore.
I know I overreacted, but I reached my limit and just blew up. I’m usually calm, I have been learning to let our arguments go over my head bc majority of them aren’t a big deal — but this hit me hard and I started crying and whatever — I overreacted.
We didn’t have enough trash bags and I was determined to prove about since everything was gravy and “wasn’t a necessity” then I wanted him to see how much I actually contributed. I came back and he was packing his things. He claimed he was unhappy and our relationship wasn’t healthy and “you’re a sweet girl, you’ve don’t nothing wrong, you’re such a good person and you have a good heart, we just don’t have chemistry.”
He was supposed to repropose to me in a few ml he (my dream proposal was taken away from me bc of heart condition and he’s always been determined to repropose with a new ring). So he grabbed the ring box he’d been hiding, put it on the entryway table and left.
It’s been over 10 hours, I called him to make sure he was okay and he said he’s fine but he will be there tomorrow to grab the rest of his things.
I don’t know what just happened. He’s my first boyfriend and first fiancé. We went through hell and back together bc I never knew he was unhappy. I tried everything and bent over backwards for him and his family, tried recreating a better relationship with his mom after she dragged me through the mud, I did all these things and I’m just confused and hurt.
My mom said that he can’t face himself and his actions and just wants the easy way out instead of putting in the work. She said he just wants to blame me and that’s why he’s leaving now when I overreacted and never before when I was crying or sobbing bc he my feelings. She said that’s because if he would have left then then it would have been his fault. But he’s leaving now bc I made myself look crazy and it’s a good excuse for him.
He’s also admitted in the past something similar along those lines ^ that it’s easier to leave sometimes then face the actual problem.
I don’t know.
I’m pretty sure everyone feels this way after a breakup, but we were talking about having kids in a year, we were in the reprocess of buying a home (I wasn’t too involved but still), we were talking about planning our wedding next year and our new engagement, we’d just talked about how happy we were with our progress, I was allowing him to come to my therapy sessions with me so we could try to better the relationship.
I just left my job, my parents just recently divorced, Im switching career paths —- so much change has happened this year back to back to back and I continued to tell him how scared I am bc I don’t have stability and I just want things to finally feel normal, and then he rips the rug from under my feet.
Now I’m in an apartment I don’t want to be in, no close friends, not too close with my family, a dog we shared together who likes his father more than he likes me and I’m just so confused and broken.