This another friend of mine really takes the cake. I need to rant before my brain short-circuits from his contradictory logic.
You all got that one friend or not? The one who is super, ultra, mega religious. I’m talking about the kind of person who has more rules than the SPF and NEA combined. Everything also cannot. This day cannot eat meat, that day must go temple, this action will get bad karma, that thing is disrespectful. His life is basically a walking compliance checklist. Fine, your life, your religion, I respect that.
But here is the catch, and this is where the plot twist happens.
This guy’s ultimate dream in life—his absolute, non-negotiable type—is a tattooed, alternative, indie/goth girl. But he zero tattoo.
I am not joking. He is completely obsessed. His Instagram explore page is just 99% girls with full-sleeve tattoos, septum piercings, and fishnets. Whenever we talk about girls, he will look at a perfectly normal, nice girl and say, “Standard only, no edge. I like those with ink one.”
Okay, opposites attract, right? But the problem is his imagination is next level. He genuinely fantasizes about bringing this hypothetical tattooed gf to BOTH Zouk and his temple.
Scenario in his head: Friday night: Grinding on the dance floor at a club, buying bottles, living the high life. Saturday morning: Bringing her to the temple to do chanting, offer incense, and follow his 101 strict religious rules.
Hello??? Wake up your idea can or not?
You think those alternative, free-spirited tattoo girls want to sit down in a traditional temple for three hours listening to you lecture them about piety and restriction? And you think the aunties and uncles at your conservative temple won’t stare at her like she is a walking anomaly? He wants the aesthetic of a wild rebel but the obedience of a traditional devotee. Cannot balance, bro!
Because of this ridiculous criteria, finding a girlfriend for him is incredibly hard. Actually, it’s damn near impossible.
The normal, conservative girls from his religious circle cannot accept his clubbing and obsession with edgy girls. Meanwhile, the tattoo girls he chases take one look at his rule-bound, super-religious lifestyle and run far far away. He is stuck in this permanent paradox. People try to introduce nice, compatible girls to him, but he rejects them all because “they don’t have the vibe.”
Bro, you are 30-plus already, not a teenager playing anime dating simulator. If you want a girl with a specific lifestyle, you must be prepared to accept that lifestyle. You cannot expect a girl to look like a rockstar but act like a nun just to fit your hypocritical fantasy.
At this rate, he is going to stay single forever, and honestly, he brings it upon himself. Next time he complains to me that he is lonely, I am just going to tell him to go pray for a miracle.
/end rant. Going to drink my second kopi-o-peng for the week.