We went out for food court dinner last night, right? Standard Singaporean hang out. I suggested the famous beef noodles. Immediately, this fellow puts up his hands, looks at me with this ultra-holy face, and says, “Eh bro, sorry, I cannot eat beef. My fortune teller / temple / grandmother say it will bring me bad luck and ruin my aura.”
Okay, fine. Fair enough. I respect people’s religious or superstitious beliefs. You don’t want to eat the cow, we don’t order the cow.
But then, this clown proceeds to walk over to the soup stall and orders Beef Brisket Soup.
I was standing there holding my tray, staring at him like he just spoke alien. I asked him, “Bro, you just said you cannot eat beef right? That one is beef soup, you know?”
You know what this absolute genius replied? With a straight face, he told me: “Yeah, I cannot eat the meat. But the soup is fine what! The meat I will just leave it inside the bowl, I only drink the soup. The bad luck is only in the flesh, the liquid is safe.”
HELLO??? Are you hearing yourself???
In Hokkien, there is a perfect saying for this exact type of hypocritical nonsense: “Gao ba buay sai jiak, gao teng lim ga ba” (狗肉不能吃，狗汤喝到饱 – Cannot eat dog meat, but drink the dog soup until full).
It is the exact same logic! You tell the gods you are being a good, pious person by not chewing the meat, but you are literally consuming the essence of the animal that has been boiled down for eight hours. The soup is literally 90% melted beef fat, marrow, and juices, you absolute turnip! If the god wants to punish you, you think he will look at your stomach and say, “Oh, it’s just liquid, no solid chunks, okay close one eye”?
This kind of half-past-six superstition really makes me want to facepalm. It’s either you are fully committed or you are not. No such thing as halfway-pious.
It’s just like those people who say they are “vegetarian” but they can eat chicken. Or they say they are vegan but they still eat fish because “fish got no feelings.” Bro, it is either a life or it is not a life! The chicken didn’t voluntarily sign up to be your nugget just because it walks on two legs instead of four.
If you want to follow the rules, follow them properly. Don’t go creating your own “terms and conditions” and loop-holes just because you crave the taste of beef broth. If you are scared of the karma, then stay away from the whole cow. Don’t play cheat with the gods, they can see you from HQ, okay?
Honestly, the hypocrisy is next level. Next time he tells me he cannot drink alcohol, I am going to ask him if he wants to just eat the beer foam instead. Truly nonsense.