Strange Desires causing NS stress
I enlisted a few months ago as mono intake and I’m in combat unit stay-in.
I have started to have strange desires that are making me both guilty, shameful and creating awkwardness between me and my section.
I’m not sure if I am gay or have been gay all my life, but I didn’t really have these desires till I enlisted. I have always been effeminate but I didn’t realise my desires until I came to NS.
I often fantasize about my section mates being very forceful with me. I keep wondering how it will feel like if they force themselves on me, in fact the thought of them ganging up on me to force me to do acts on them turns me on a lot and some days I feel like I am going to explode if I don’t tell someone
It gets even darker, some days I fantasize about them tying me up and doing things to me. Our PC during BMT told us about all the bad tortures that went on during WW2 and instead of it being a motivation, I found the whole thing feed my fantasies thinking about it. Like during water parade I actually fantasize of them holding me down and forcing me to drink bottle after bottle until I want to puke.
I am worried I will stop being able to control myself and do inappropriate things which will make life really bad for everyone since we are supposed to work together as a section
I know you might think this is a joke or very weird but I think I have a problem and not sure who to turn to because I will be labelled gay or thrown in DB or something
Netizens’ comments
- This is not what I expected lunchtime reading to be.
- There are apps for you to use and meet guys to explore your desires. Best to go through NS smoothly without creating any trouble, do whatever you want OUT of camp.
- Whatever you do please do not report any of this to the MO or MINDEF. They are not equipped to help you and they will not have your best interests at heart. See a private therapist instead.
- On a serious note, I think it’s best that you inform a SAF counselor as soon as possible to make arrangements based on your… “needs” as it will only worsen with repression.