I apologise if this isn’t the right place to post this! Boyfriend and I, both 20, have been together for almost 3 years now, next month marks our 3rd year together.
My boyfriend has been in NS for around a year now. He’s been so tired and shag since day 1 and his mood is quite bad. He snaps at me over little things sometimes and sometimes this causes some arguments but at the end of the day, I try my best to understand he doesn’t mean his words and he’s just frustrated with life.
We don’t go out on dates anymore, I only see him when I fetch him from or send him to his camp, or when I go over to his house during the weekends and chill (i do nothing, or maybe I study or entertain myself with my phone) while he plays games and/or sleep.
He doesn’t initiate to do anything with me tbh, though he still goes along with it when I suggest to cook together, binge a show together etc , I feel like he would much rather just game or sleep.
I can feel the difference in energy and I understand it is because he is tired from NS. We still f each other though, he’s still very enthusiastic and excited for that lol…
But it all just makes me wonder then why am I here and what is the point of our relationship? He used to bring me out on dates and we used to have fun doing things together, but now he says he’s too tired from NS and just wants to stay home and rest and have his free time which I also understand.
although it makes me sad that he cannot even sacrifice a bit of his gaming hours and spend quality time with me once every couple of weeks but maybe that’s asking for too much..
I mean we still do spend some time outside , for example a meal together after bookout before heading home, and I think to him that counts as an actual date.
But yeah idk, I just feel like he doesn’t care for our relationship anymore, doesn’t seem to put in effort anymore, but he always assures me he is just tired and when I complain any further or ask for more we sometimes argue as well with him claiming I’m not understanding but I’m really trying my best 🙁 It’s tiring as I’m busy with uni as well, so our increased arguments are just finally taking a toll on me.
Ah sorry for the long post I am bad with words and just needed to let out all my thoughts
Before he enlisted, things were much better (He has always had a bad temper, but he used to control it well with me). But now, I just feel like an outlet for his frustration? Irdk. He doesn’t want to do “bf gf” things with me anymore and I just feel he’s changed quite a bit and it worries me.
I don’t want this to be forever. Friends are telling me to break up with him but I really don’t want to because I really love him a lot and I’m still hopeful.
We briefly talked about the possibility of breaking up, and he said he has no intention to but he said in my case it is up to me whether I can stick with him throughout NS or not, and that everything will be better after NS as he will have more time to give to me, and he won’t be so tired etc.
Will his NS life get better and become kinder to him in the following year? I wish he would just be happier 🙁 And after he’s done with NS will he really go back to his old self or would ns have changed him?
Is it normal for guys to change so much after enlisting? And if it is, do things actually get better after NS? Or how can I better help him through this remaining year?