I (M24) was seeing this girl (F23) for about 9 months, known each other for close to 2 years. Reason why we broke up was because my parents disapproved of our relationship quite strongly, and we’ve been through multiple break ups because of this. But this time when we patched things up we were not officially boyfriend/girlfriend but we were still emotionally committed to each other. So I thought.
Just yesterday, I received an IG follow request from someone with a unique name, and based off what my girl told me in the past regarding her exes and their names, it seemed odd to receive a random request (I usually don’t get many requests and my account is private with a unique handle) from someone that vaguely sounded like my girl’s ex so I asked her about it. I was expecting a “oh its not him”, or a “omg it’s him, why is he following u on ig” reply, but what happened next shocked me.
She replied: “Oh hahah yea he was just curious, just ignore him”.I was like “you’re still talking to your ex????”Her: “yeah occasionally, just casually mentioned you a few times”Me: “You’re talking about me, the one you currently have unresolved feelings for, with your ex, whom you’ve supposed to have no more unresolved feelings for??”Her: “we aren’t even dating officially atm, why are u being so controlling”
That was the last straw that broke the camel’s back. I recognize gaslighting when I see it, I was not even trying to control her actions or who she sees or talks to, I simply was taken aback and shocked, and somehow adding 4 question marks to my reply makes me a controlling person. I told her it’s over, and she said “ok wtv”. Blocked her everywhere shortly after.
Theres alot of backstory to our relationship and it’s complicated, both parties have made mistakes but we were working on them, I was determined to fight for her, for us, and talk to my parents once I got past a busy stage in my life (in 3 weeks). But this was too much for me. I blocked her on everything, and I don’t want to see her ever again. I know I did what I thought was the right thing, but I wanted to ask:
Is it ever okay to still be contact with your ex, when you’re (granted, not in a committed relationship, but still) emotionally committed to someone else (me), and not tell me about it? Even if she swears they are just friends? Also, how do you reasonably bring that issue up without sounding insecure?
P.s. she works in marketing/IT where basically alot of success rides upon having good and cordial connections with people, her ex happens to be a software engineer, so idk why she thought it was a good idea to keep him around. Please make this make sense.