Parents (55M)(47F)are giving me (20F) cold shoulder because I said I won’t be having kids
Growing up I had a very rough childhood and an even tougher teenage years trying to cope with it all while my family was ignoring my blatant struggling and gaslighting me about it.
Absolutely nobody stood up for me until I started succeeding in school, because I guess they realized I’m an “ace in the hole” to bring the family some honor and money.
Anyways, back to my parents. When I turned 13 my parents drilled into my head that premarital intercourse was a sin and if they found out I’d done it they’d kick me out, disown me and physically punish me in front of everyone.
This has resulted in an obvious phobia to the act. I cannot even think about it without having some sort of meltdown, fearing the brutal punishment my parents would rain down on me if they ever found out.
They know little to nothing about the subject; they’ve only told me that it makes babies and is for married couples only. I know that this is total crap but please keep in mind that being threatened everyday of your life, being asked uncomfortable questions and humiliated in front of your family for things you didn’t even do stay with you for a very long time.
Last night my mom got on her soapbox to my other relatives and started talking about how smart and successful her grandchildren would be.
I am my parents’ only child, so that responsibility fell on me. My aunt asked me if I wanted a boy or a girl. Politely I said “I believe I won’t be having any children” and I tried to leave when someone grabbed me and pulled me back into the conversation.
All at once they were shouting at me as to “why wouldn’t I want kids” to which I replied “because I won’t be having intercourse.” My mom looked horrified and everyone was quiet for the rest of the night.
The next morning my parents came to talk to me about what I said. I told them, albeit in a sarcastic tone, that thanks to them the idea of intimacy terrified me so I wouldn’t be able to stomach it to have children.
They started yelling at me saying I “misunderstood them” and how could I be so selfish as to deprive them of a grandchild. When still I stayed firmly on what I said and refused to back down, they walked out and have been ignoring me since then.
I’m really stressed out at the moment because I hate the silent treatment and have finals going on. I don’t want to argue with them but at the same time I just can’t wish away my fear.