A local Singaporean husband has found himself in a “hairy” situation after his recent “grooming” getaway to Vietnam was cut short by a glaring anatomical impossibility.
Mr. Tan (45), an IT consultant who has sported a head as smooth as a billiard ball since the 2011 General Election, told his wife he was heading to District 1 for a “premium hair treatment package.”
“He told me the water in Singapore was too hard and he needed a professional Vietnamese deep-shampoo to ‘revitalize the follicles,'” his wife, Mdm. Lim complained. “I should have known. The only thing he’s revitalized in the last decade is his collection of baseball caps.”
The ‘Root’ of the Problem
Suspicions were raised when Mr. Tan requested a $500 “Hair Maintenance Allowance” for his three-day trip. Mdm. Lim, a woman who hasn’t seen a comb in her husband’s hand since the London Olympics, decided to do some “market research.”
She soon discovered that “salons” in certain quarters of Ho Chi Minh City offer services that have very little to do with split ends and everything to do with “happy endings.”
“He sent me a selfie in front of a neon sign that said ‘Salon Shop,’ but there wasn’t a pair of scissors in sight,” Mdm. Lim fumed. “Just a lot of short skirts and high heels. I don’t care how good the conditioner is—you don’t need a miniskirt to buff a forehead!”
A Close Shave
The ruse officially collapsed when Mr. Tan returned home boasting about his “new layers” and “silky texture.”
The Evidence Against Him:
- The Scalp: Remained a perfect 100% reflective surface.
- The Alibi: Claimed the stylist used “invisible keratin technology.”
- The Receipt: Listed “Nail Care, Ear Digging, and ‘Special Intensive Scalp Rub'”—totaling two hours of “labor.”
The Verdict
When confronted with a photo of his 2011 graduation (the last known sighting of a strand of hair), Mr. Tan reportedly stammered that he was “preparing the soil for a future transplant.”
Mdm. Lim has since sentenced her husband to a permanent vacation on the living room sofa. As for Mr. Tan? He’s learned the hard way: if you’re going to lie about a haircut, it helps to actually have hair.
Would you like me to draft a satirical “Apology Letter” from Mr. Tan to his wife, or perhaps a list of “Alternative Excuses for Bald Men in Vietnam”?