Walao eh, guys, I really cannot. I just came back from the most toxic date of my entire life. I need to vent before I go crazy.
So I met this girl on Bumble, right? Photos looked decent, convo was okay. We decided to meet at a cafe in Tanjong Pagar. I reached early, ordered a Kopi-C, and waited. When she arrived, first thing she did was look at me up and down like she’s some kind of high-SES fashion inspector.
We started talking, and halfway through the mains, she suddenly stopped and pointed at my mouth. Out of nowhere, she goes, “Eh, you never think of getting braces or veneers ah? Your teeth a bit senget (crooked) leh. If you fix it, you’ll look more ‘presentable’ for my friend group.”
I was stunned, bro. My teeth not perfect, but they are not exactly British-style horror show also. I felt like such a small fry. I was about to apologize and feel insecure, but then the wind blew in my direction.
HOLY MOTHER OF TOA PAYOH.
Every time she opened her mouth to lecture me about “personal grooming” and “investing in myself,” this wave of pure biological warfare hit my nostrils. I am not even joking—it smelled like Mao Shan Wang that someone left in a plastic bag, inside a hot car, for three days straight. It wasn’t just “ate lunch” breath; it was “I haven’t flossed since the LKY era” breath.
The irony was thicker than the smell. She was literally sitting there, tilting her head back, judging my dental alignment while her own breath could have been used as a mosquito repellent by NEA. I was sitting there holding my breath until my face turned red, just trying not to gag.
The best part? When the bill came, she looked at me and said, “Actually, I think confidence comes from a good smile, you should really look into it.”
I just paid the bill, stood up, and said, “Thanks for the advice. You should look into some Listerine. Or a priest. Your breath smells like a durian graveyard.”
The look on her face was priceless, but honestly, the Grab ride home was the first time I could breathe oxygen again. Singapore dating is a total circus, man. Sibei jialat.
TL;DR: Date called me ugly because my teeth are slightly crooked, meanwhile her breath was literal toxic waste. Mirror very expensive is it?