This is the reality of my office life, and I’m writing this because the tension is becoming unbearable. I’ve fallen for a colleague, a Malaysian Chinese woman who is 43. I’m 37 Singaporean, but I lied and told her I was 42. In her traditional circles, being the younger man is often an immediate “no-go,” and I didn’t want to be disqualified before I even had a chance.
The Age Gap Lie
The age lie is just the tip of the iceberg. I’m currently stuck in a messy divorce that won’t be finalized for another year. She is married with two kids. Our departments have zero overlap, but I’ve spent months engineering “accidental” meetings at the pantry or sending “wrong window” messages just to trigger a conversation.
What started as polite shop talk has devolved into a high-stakes game of emotional chicken. I finally bit the bullet and asked her out for a “private” dinner. She didn’t give me a firm “no.” Instead, she gave me that lingering, “leaning” response—a soft “I shouldn’t, my husband is home,” followed immediately by a wink and a text five minutes later asking what I was wearing. She’s hanging in this grey zone, oscillating between “Yes” and “No” while keeping me on a leash.
Mentally Drained
The “traditional” mindset I expected seems to be cracking. While she plays the devoted mother on social media, our private Telegram chats are a different world. It’s “juicy” in the worst way—we spend our lunch breaks “working late” in empty conference rooms, talking until the air feels heavy, only for her to pull back the second her phone buzzes with a message from her kids. I am the one pushing, but she is the one opening the door just wide enough to let me hope. I’m head over heels, effectively chasing a married woman while my own marriage is still legally burning down.
As wrong as this situation is… I don’t know what to do. I rarely fall for anyone easily but this has been bothering me day and night.
I no longer can focus in my work and I feel absolutely drained.