What are your views on who “should” pay on the first date? This seems to be a hot topic and also a topic touched numerous times before. Tldr; My view is that each person should pay for their OWN share, and neither party is responsible/obligated to pay for the other person’s meal.
1. “The guy should pay because he is a man” – We live in a modern society where girls can earn just as much as guys, no longer in the 18th or 19th century, so why should a guy pay for the lady, who is able to earn just as much or even more than the guy can? Are girls to be treated as equals? Or an inferior gender such that they can’t afford their own meal?
2. “Whoever invites the other person should pay” – I notice that many girls support this view, but yet we all know that guys usually ask the girl out first, and girls usually expect and hope for the guy to make the first move to ask the girl out first. And even when the girl likes the guy, girls would rather “make it very obvious that they’re interested so that the guy will take the hint and ask her out”, instead of asking the guy out themselves. If that’s the case, this is as good as saying “the guy should pay”.
I have another perspective to share with regards to this view. I think whoever invites the other person out for a first date is giving an invitation for both people to MUTUALLY agree that they would like to have a first meetup/date to get to know each other better, and NOT that the person who invites is going to treat a meal or anything. Think about it this way, when you tell your friends “do you want to eat chicken rice together later?”, we instinctively know it is an invitation for both you and your friend to spend quality time together, and instinctively know that each of you are paying for your own share. This is how it should be when you invite someone out for a first date for both of you to mutually get to know each other.
3. “I put on makeup for the date, and makeup is expensive, so if I dress up, of course he should pay for the meal” – Does that mean that if I as the guy, buy a very expensive nice-looking outfit and wear it to the first date, you are obligated to treat me to a very expensive meal since I wore such an exquisite outfit for you to see? Your decision to put on makeup or dress up nicely or not is entirely your call and dependent on how you wish to present yourself, no guy is obligated/responsible to pay (indirectly by paying for your meal) for your fashion/makeup choices.
4. “Guys don’t have to pay, but if he pays it’s bonus points” – What some girls actually mean when you expand on this is, “if he pays for my meal, yes it is bonus points for him, but if he doesn’t, I would get turned off and deduct points and not meet again”. If you get turned off if a guy does not pay, it means your view is not for both to fairly pay their share, but for the guy to pay for your meal.
5. “I’m a traditional woman and so I expect the man to pay just like old times” – If you put these kind of old traditional expectations on a man, then does that mean that in return, you would hold yourself to traditional standards and expectations of a woman as well? Things such as having to obey and serve your husband/boyfriend/date, to cook and clean, to focus on taking care of kids, and not to be going out to work? Because if you expect a man to be traditional and “provide”, then you should be giving what you wish to get as well. Realistically, which woman today actually act the “traditional woman” part despite calling themselves traditional? They just expect that from guys but yet don’t hold themselves to the same “traditional” standards.
Why I think we should (man or woman) pay for our own share on a first date: It is SIMPLY fair, and it comes from a perspective where we both are equal individuals and view each other as such. The man or woman does not need to pay (for the other person’s meal) in order to have an opportunity to get to know the other person, it is simply based upon mutual respect for each other that both are mutually agreeing to meet and explore where things goes romantically. Whether or not anyone (men or woman) treats the other person to a meal or drink, is not a “SHOULD”, but a “WANT”, if it happens.
Also, a first date is for both people to see if there is a connection, meaning a second date is still up for consideration and not confirmed for both people. Girls know this and yet if they still expect the guy to pay for their meal, it just reflects upon how all they’re thinking is about themselves, and not being considerate for the guy and his money, definitely selfish, and a red flag. Some girls also just use guys as a “free meal ticket”.
I hold myself to the same standards that I listed out above. Meaning, I DO NOT expect any woman to pay for my meals even if they ask me out. I do not expect girls to pay for me if I happen to wear an expensive outfit (this goes without saying but yeah). I respect the girl’s time and do not feel entitled to her money.
I think that expecting the other person to pay for your meal (whether you’re a man or woman), is an entitled attitude, and a red flag that people should avoid when finding a partner. As a guy, it seems like girls who have bad upbringing and bad peer influence are more likely to have this entitled attitude. The “yes queen, you deserve better, you deserve more” kind of messages that girls give each other, seem to feed into this whole delusional and entitled mentality that some girls have.
What are your views on this?