The “Huat Ah” to “Sian Half Die” Chronicles
Honestly, I’m done. 4 times divorced in my 30s. People hear that and they think I’m the problem. Maybe I am, but look at the track record first then you judge.
Marriage #1: The Money-Minded Local-PRC She grew up here since she was a kid, so she was basically Singaporean. Everything was okay until the mask slipped. One day, she straight up told me she only married me for the money. I’m not a pushover. I told her to get out. Chased her out of the house, but the “GG” part was the BTO. Because we split, the flat was gone. Burned my first chance at housing and a lot of cash.
Marriage #2: The US Speedrun I was working in the States. Within a week of meeting this girl, we got together and married after 6 months so we are able to stay together because of immigration laws. Fast game, right? But then my job ended and I had to come back to Singapore. We tried the long-distance thing, but cannot work lah. Eventually, it just fizzled out and we called it.
Marriage #3: The Queen of Control This one was mental. Every day at work, I must take photo and send proof of where I am. Cannot meet friends. Even if I go kopitiam downstairs just to have lunch with a guy friend, she will scream at me. She was always peeping at my phone, checking my wallet, scanning my receipts like a tax auditor. I couldn’t take it and we fought until she moved out. Plot twist: All that “security” she wanted? It was projection. She was the one who cheated, not me.
Marriage #4: The Breaking Point This one hurts the most because there’s a kid involved. After giving birth, she had serious postpartum depression. It turned into family violence. She would talk on the phone for 10 hours a day, totally ignoring our toddler. Baby crying in pain, she doesn’t care, just keep talking. When I confronted her about the baby’s safety, she snapped.
She went IMH, got warded, but she refused follow-up treatment. The violence got worse. I never hit her back, not even once. I just stood there and took it. Bled, called police, ambulance came. Case closed.
My Take: Bad Luck or Am I the Red Flag?
If you look at this objectively, it’s a mix of both.
The “Unlucky” Part:
- The Cheater & The Mental Health Issues: You can’t control if someone is going to hide a personality disorder or cheat on you after you’ve already committed. The 4th marriage especially is a tragedy of untreated medical issues.
- The Violence: If a man is getting beaten until he bleeds and calls the police without retaliating, it’s hard to blame the victim for the physical abuse.
The “Problem” Part:
- Impulse Control: Marriage #2 happened quickly. That is a massive red flag on his part. He’s rushing into legal commitments before knowing the person.
- Vetting: After the first two, he should have been more careful. Entering a marriage with someone who controls your receipts (Marriage #3) usually starts with smaller red flags that he probably ignored because he “wanted it to work.”
- The Pattern: When you have 4 failed marriages by your mid-30s, the common denominator is your selection process. He is choosing women who are either unstable or incompatible because he’s likely desperate for the “family” dream.
Verdict: The man isn’t a “bad guy” or an abuser, but he is terrible at choosing partners. He needs to stop “vowing never to fall in love” and instead vow to stay single for at least two years to figure out why his “danger radar” is broken.
He’s not the villain, but he is definitely his own worst enemy when it comes to signing that ROM paper.