I’m a 39 yo single Mum of a 10yo. My ex-husband left when my daughter was 2 months old, took all our money, blamed me for the marriage breakdown (he was a serial manipulator through 3 yrs of our marriage) and disappeared (probably best as kid doesn’t even know him, so less stress & hurt for her). I got a good career, stable income and family support, so my life for the last 10 years was about my daughter and my job.
I had occasional dates, but nothing serious, no physical or emotional connection. I was really hurt by my ex, whom I loved very much, and it had taken a long time for me to heal, but I’m still petrified of the thought of having the same feelings for anyone else. I do have a history of anxiety and depression, so when I fall in love I tend to go overboard with being too emotional and probably overly clingy. The feeling also becomes all I think about, like an obsession, it distracts me from day to day things: work, chores, kid.
About a month ago I started seeing someone 6 years younger. We really hit it off: enjoy each other’s company, have lots of common interests, talk and text often, and this week had a very passionate first.
Now I’m finding that over the last two weeks I’ve been constantly thinking about him. It’s distracting, annoying, but I can’t do anything with myself. I have to admit that I’m falling for him, and it scares me to the point of being physically ill. I can’t concentrate on anything. And I’m starting to have self doubts – I’m not as young and attractive vs he is, what if he stops liking me when he finds out about my mental struggles, I’m not good enough – all the wonderful baggage that was engraved in my head by my ex.
So on one hand, I absolutely want to be with the man, but I’m basically afraid of how my own feelings affect me. And even more afraid about trusting again and being hurt. I’m lost as to whether I should keep it going, or for my sake (and his, of having to deal with a broken person like me) end it. What should I do?
Here are what netizens think:
Be frank with him about your baggage. If he said he’s on board and would help you out, then go for him. Life is short. Stop thinking about it too much. Things happen in the past should be a lesson for you to take precautions. At the same time, be honest about what you’re feeling to him. He’ll understand your struggle and hopefully will give you a hand.
Your dude realizes you have kids. You don’t need to have a “baggage” conversation. It is just unnecessary. It’s like planning to explain to him that you aren’t a virgin while holding your kid. Just don’t. It’s cool. It clearly isn’t a dealbreaker for him so don’t make it weird.