I chanced upon your confession from 21 March 2021 regarding the pick-up culture of girls in Singapore. This surprised me. I did not know someone had asked this online before.
I hope you read this, despite being 2 years late.
You wrote: “How is it still possible for guys who have lost faith in online dating to stand a chance to meet interesting girls that they randomly come across on the street? Or is it really a social stigma in Sg that random guy approaching a girl on the MRT is deemed a creep? Are there any effective solutions to this?”
You have met someone, mid-20s, who has done a good degree of all of that for 2 years now. Working at it for the past 2 years (since 2021) until today, and still pressing on.
My personal story cut very short is that I was persistently rejected by girls during compulsory education years, and short-changed of genuine interactions when signing up for Events. Problem with Events is that you cannot pick / choose who you pair with. Certain people there can socially judge you negatively for being some despo (and hungry) who just want to pick/date girls.
They make you feel bad for something you were genuinely shortchanged and then benchmark u as a social creep. These are toxic, socially over-privileged who don’t know what’s like to not have natural social advantage.
In other cases, signing for events/dating-events/CCAs do not guarantee your gender-balance and you end up wasting precious time trying to fit-into group decorum to which you never really signed up for.
I personally felt I was running out of years to get valuable practice and bucket list feelings/desires of just flirting and being playful around the opposite-gender in general.
You would have side-tangent your main purpose – which is to practice approaching girls of your desire, try to get them feeling comfortable around you and see if they’re willing to stay in contact thereafter.
I decided to take things into my own hands and cut-away all of that unnecessary social-off-tangent. Those social settings dont work for me. Perhaps its coz I have my own line of thinking. I wanted for myself, a free space to test and explore my own thinking and what I really wanted to experience during my general interactions with girls.
I also wanted to stress-test what I could achieve, express and adjust when I interacted with girls. And find how exactly, I can reduce the likelihood of creeping them out over the course of my Work. And to also spend time reflecting on what kind of girls I need to let go – despite me trying and failing at hitting on them.
I never regretted. I had full autonomy on the exact type and looks of girls I caught-eye and wanted to hit on. This basic feeling should not be taken for granted.
The past 2 years consisted of me falling back on dormant legacy personality traits from young. For me, I had this thing about words and writing. Hence, I wrote cards of general message/encouragement and use it as a leverage to give it to a girl of my choice. You could append your number behind, or just a handle if you weren’t keen enough to be so open. You can take creative direction and just adjust what you wanna say based on the season or place you are going to visit. Possibilities are endless and you feel real good just expressing yourself.
I tried many things. From just merely giving and not talking. To the more recent years of relying less on my card and really just speaking to test water. When my confidence grew, I allocated greater emotional strategy to Exit away from girls who replied to me in a very ignorant manner. Coz – abundance mindset.
For the good girls I experienced and successfully gave my card. You ofc hope they get back to you. However, whether a conversation does hold thru – still mirrors what you recounted. yourself.
From that point on, I opened my own exploring on what works, what doesn’t work and most importantly – what lasts as a good impression.
This act on girls and cards also tested me regarding all various ways, permutation and setting I can best approach them. At times, making mistakes, feeling nervous and consequently creeping them out were inevitable. Nevertheless, thru the bad emotions I felt, I pressed on somehow to just find another way to do it – to also let go and self-talk against past emotional baggage that remind me that “I’m creepy/despo to do all this.”
I encourage you to go out and try pick up girls in your best self in public places. You have to start somewhere and see which parts of your own personality are best tapped on when you vibe off to a girl you eye candied. You also get this priceless benefit to explore all these bucket-list excitements, emotions and flirt-desires before you really get too old to regret not doing them.
Its good to have your fill of these very impulsive stuff instead of answering society norm to “feel to clean and decent in front of all girls in the Universe – that approaching/pursuing girls you don’t know is condemned upon”.
The micro-thrills of some girl you hit on through your own effort – replying to your number, Tele or IG DM or beaming at your flirts/thoughtfulness etc – is priceless to experience. An important bucket list to experience enough of before you get too old to look appropriate for the Acts.
Find “yourself” whilst you look around outside. You have your own type and age range of girls. Take ownership and don’t feel bad for having such a preference. So long as you stay respectful and genuine. Have nothing to hide.
I am personally still kicking my bucket list to talk up school girls/students as much as I can – if such suitable opportunities arise. It feels good to be young again.
The self-discovery journey is not guaranteed to be easy. I had my very testing and emotional moments in earlier periods of missing girls, lacking confidence, getting affected by social reminders and at worse cases, creeping girls out because they could already sense I’m present even before I do anything.
Advice for you – creeping girls out will be inevitable. Keep telling yourself that no guy is socially pitch-perfect to creep 0 girls in his entire life. Don’t listen to any white-knighted guy who socially reminds you about (sexual) harassment and fear of accusation, and then links back to how “you need to be a decent guy.”
These are people who gaslight what you truly want in your social energy and its your right to explore as much of it. Just know when to let go of some girl if she just looks at you so revoltingly.
Think statistically on “Creep Rate”. You can’t impress everyone. What you can best do is to work on confidence and timing such that you can REDUCE the likelihood of creepiness by making approaches as seamless, natural and clean (minimal hesitation) as possible. It will take time. You will not master it overnight. Neither does it stay consistent from girl to girl because you also may be sensitive and conscious about her unspoken vibe.
Once you have enough experience of picking-up girls. You will come to feel good that you have your own reserve and abundance of experiences to look back on. You will come to realise how some girls were just plain bs to hit on. Perhaps it was just looks and shallowness (and prob some lust) you approached them.
On the contrary – you may feel surprised to reflect on the other set of girls who left a good, sweet, gracious and decent impression on you – even if you didn’t eventually get to date them and have since fallen out of conversation. It will guide you better on what exactly you are looking for in your ideal girl.
For me, I sort of had my rough image of that girl. My experiences have been slowly helping me confirm most of such vibes and features as what really counts. Very recently, I had personal encounters with (6-7)/10 girls (on looks) but proud of myself to have advanced on them because of their (8-9)/10 personality.
Sometimes also due to age gap, these girls are still maturing in look – but personality 100. I believe that they have potential to become even prettier in later years.
There is also a risk that some girl’s boyfriend will reply you/confront you online regarding “picking-up” their girlfriend in the public place. You will need to know how to deal with it.
(1) pick your battles. You do not need to reply every boyfriend who messages you back. Some of these boyfriends may just be insecure pussy who just dont trust their girlfriend enough that she will be easily swayed to you.
(2) If you choose to reply that boyfriend, just tell them what you are doing and looking for. You got nothing to hide. But no need to be too nice. You dont owe them an apology. You hit on a girl (back then) to which you got no reason to believe she is attached. All you only did is just talk her up and give her your card. At most – just say sorry if the gf felt creeped out.
Different strokes work for different timings/environments. Not every setting you can afford talking a girl up. Sometimes, its just better to approach, say your small piece, give her your card and then walk away. Other times, it is better to spend time small talking her up or at least, just confessing your feelings and outright asking for her number.
You own your adjustments and flexibility. Versatility is all on you. There is so much more experience I could share with you but – it would be very lengthy.
For now, please just know that you got someone here supporting you in finding your true happiness, albeit it being socially deviant. Throw those peer pressure advice out the window! Listen to yourself.
Don’t regret not doing enough when you are older and when your age is really way above that your own conscience cannot take it.
All the best!