A Singaporean boy recently posted on Facebook after he felt that he wants to break up with his girl as she keeps making him pay the bills even though he’s a student, and she’s working.
Here is the full story.
I’m currently seeking advice for my relationship. I’m mature enough to interpret your opinions and make my own decisions, so feel free to provide me with your advice whether or not they’re positive or negative. I’ve been with my girlfriend for 10 months, and I still love her, but as our relationship progresses, there are more and more issues about her that I find quite irritating, unpleasant, and sometimes I really don’t feel like spending or wasting my time to deal with them.
Bills.
I’m sure many of you would think that guy should pay for everything or for most things, but as a student, and she has already started working, I feel that she should contribute to our bills. Alright, she is willing to pay, but she doesn’t take the initiative to pay for our bills, be it for bubble tea, drinks, food, snacks, groceries, etc. We talked about this issue before, so according to her, she doesn’t like to split the bill equally, same goes to me, so we both are happy with taking turns to pay for our bills, but the problem with her is that she doesn’t take the initiative to pay, and she would only offer to pay when the bill arrives, and this can be quite frustrating for me to decide whether I should pay or not. I’m of course a way bigger eater than her, so if I know I’m paying the bill, then I’ll be more comfortable with ordering more food. On the contrary, if I know she’s the one settling the bill, then I’ll just get a normal portion. Hence, this can be quite difficult for me to handle because most eateries, apart from hawker centres and food courts, require us to pay only after our meals, and I have no idea if she is paying for the meal or not, and I also feel awkward and calculative to ask if she is paying the bill. Most of the time I’ll be like, “hey babe, let me treat you this time, feel free to order anything you like”, but she doesn’t follow the same way I do. I’m actually on scholarship with allowance for my graduate study, so I don’t mind paying when we dine at more expensive restaurants, but I just wish that she could respond to me this way “hey babe, last time you treated me to ding tai fung, since we are eating at paradise dynasty (or somewhere equivalent or slightly more expensive), let me pay the bill okay?”. It’s getting more and more difficult for me to handle this because if she doesn’t initiate to pay, and I always have to make the first move, and find it embarrassing to wait for her to pay, I tend to end up paying for both our meals.
Makeup time.
She loves putting on makeup, and from the moment she goes to shower until she is done with her makeup, it can easily take up to 1.5-2 hours. Whenever we are staying over at each other’s place, it’s really a pain in the ass for me to wait for her. I know I can do my stuff, I can study, I can do whatever I want while waiting for her, but the problem is there aren’t really much I can do, as I do my house chores when she isn’t around, and I don’t like to do my studies at home. Apart from that, I also tried to wake up later than her, but the noise from her movements just can’t let me sleep peacefully due to me being a light sleeper. Not just that, if we were to meet up and she wakes up late, I have to suffer by waiting for so damn long until I don’t even feel like meeting her anymore. I know there are other things that I can do, like window shopping, visiting some stores in shopping mall, having some snacks, etc, but I don’t really like walking around shopping malls unless I have things to buy, and I also don’t feel like eating if I know I’m eating with her later. I wish we no longer have to do stayover anymore and just meet outside, but I still don’t dare to tell her this.
Shopping time.
As I’ve mentioned earlier, I find it boring to browse through the shelves at different stores in shopping malls, but she does the exact opposite. She can literally spend like an hour looking at things at Daiso without buying anything, and I find that really a waste of time and energy, at least for me. Whenever we have no shops to visit, she would go to ntuc to see stuff, and go through the food sections row by row, though she really has nothing to buy, or if not, just a few items. It’s really tiring for me to accompany her to walk and see things for so long.
Handbag.
As a man, I find it very sissy to help her carry her handbag. She doesn’t do that often, but whenever she brings more things out that make her handbag heavy, she would ask me to help her carry. She has backache problems, so I’ll try to help her carry her stuff (except handbag), even her laptop bag, and I don’t mind doing that, but her handbag is really a burden to me. I hope she knows that “you wanna bring so many things out, then you bear the consequence la, why need to burden me”.
Food.
Before I got together with her, I would say 99% of my food comes from food court and hawker centre. I’m not trying to flex here, but as a gym junkie with v-taper six-pack, capped shoulders, veiny arms, thick legs, wide back, I love eating these cheap and delicious food. Take for example, my dinner on some days consists of a large bowl of laksa, a large bowl of fish ball noodles, and glass of iced coffee, and a bowl of iced dessert, and that cost me only slightly above $10. Even on weekends, Kopitiam, Food Republic, Food Opera, Koufu are my usual lunch and dinner spots. My girlfriend doesn’t fancy hawker food, and initially I felt that she is just spoilt and only want to dine at restaurants, but her reason is because she doesn’t want to take in so much carbs and fat, and she prefers more protein instead. So whenever we visit hawkers or food courts, she has problems finding food to eat, and I would always tell her to get western food, ayam penyet, chicken rice, or those rice with different meats at Indian stalls, but she finds these food boring if she has to eat them so often, and that really leaves me speechless. When she is with her family or friends, she eats at paradise dynasty, beauty in a pot, collin’s, zhi char, din tai fung, pepper lunch, and to be very honest, I personally feel that the amount of meat that she can get from a chicken rice or western food stall, is much more compared to those from restaurants at the same price point. That really makes me feel that she just prefers better food and dining at restaurants. It really turns me off whenever I wanna eat at food court, and she would be like hmm I go and see if there’s anything that I feel like eating, if not I’ll just accompany you eat, and I’ll go buy something to eat later. Although she is willing to accompany me, I do appreciate that but at the same time I feel bad for making her watch me eat, while she has to get something else only when I’m done eating. Sometimes I just wish that she could meet someone else like her ex who can afford to eat at restaurants with her.
Life goals.
We both are very different individuals. As long as I have the freedom to do my work in peace without interruptions from my colleagues or my boss, I certainly enjoy my work, and that is a form of relaxation to me, simple as that. I would say I never or hardly experience the need to take leave or a break for a short getaway, and I don’t enjoy travelling. Many people are working hard and saving up for vacations, but I have a dad who makes 6 figures every month, but I don’t even bother travelling, not even a simple Bangkok trip. It’s just my nature of being a nerd and a workaholic, that’s why travelling doesn’t interest me as much as doing stock market research, reading, study business and market opportunities, and doing some house chores and my hobbies at home. My girlfriend loves travelling a lot, and her travel frequency is about once or twice a year. It is very necessary for her to take a break from work and plan a trip at least once a year, but I don’t enjoy it. My ex used to label me as a materialistic dude, just because I prefer to own something than to experience something. For example, I feel that spending money on sneakers, clothes, electronic gadgets, car tuning kits, is better than paying for something that I can’t own, like experience of parasailing, skydiving, diving, mountain climbing, etc. My friends and colleagues were actually surprised by the fact that I come from a wealthy family, but I’ve only been to Malaysia, Singapore, Bangkok and 2 states of Australia (1 is where I studied, 1 is where my ex wanted to visit). So, movie, food, and window shopping are all that I enjoy doing with her, but she feels that need for more than just that. That’s just how different we are.
Right now I’m really not sure whether we are really meant for each other. I guess it’s a bit difficult for me to meet my type of girl, and I know she’s definitely not going to be happy with me in a long run. Do you think we should break up and let her meet someone better than me?