Hi everyone,
Hoping to get some female perspective and guidance on this situation that’s eating me up a bit.
​My girlfriend has been working part-time as a restaurant server. She is a young uni aged female. Recently one of the cooks has become very “handsy” with her. He puts his arm around her, grabs her arms, and even jokingly choked her the other day.
My girlfriend is extremely uncomfortable with this. But despite wanting to, she has not told the person to stop. Today she was conversating with co-workers and he came up next to her and put his arm around her. This lasted about 30 seconds. She told me she was planning on telling him to stop but when this happened she froze. Afterwards, she went into the bathroom and had a panic attack.
​A co-worker has witnessed this behavior and asked her if she was comfortable with what was going on and she stated she was not okay with it. The shift manager was notified but failed to take any effective actions.
I get absolutely furious hearing all of this but what is bothering me most is why can’t she just say “please stop touching me it makes me uncomfortable”? I have no doubt she’s uncomfortable but she doesn’t say stop. Meanwhile, this creep seems to think it’s all fun and games.
​When she told me what happened today I got a little upset that she didn’t stop him. I immediately reeled my emotions back in because I knew I would be doing more harm than good. But I am just dumbfounded. She is in the process of looking for new work but for now, this is the situation.
Could you please help me understand this and please provide me with some guidance on how to conduct myself in this scenario? She tells me she will handle this but so far has utterly failed to do so. I don’t mean to cast any shame on her. It’s just I love her so much and the fact I have to hear this is happening and can’t stop it makes me furious…
Please help and thanks!\