Wah, you want the story of Ah Seng? People call him the “Golden Mallard,” but in the lubang (circles) he frequents, he’s just the top-tier Duck. Just call him Ah Seng a top insurance agent.
Don’t look at him and think he’s just another insurance agent, ah. Yes, he wears the slim-fit G2000 suit and carries the iPad Pro, but he’s not selling you Integrated Shield Plans, investment plans or normal insurance. He’s selling “companionship” with a side of premium coverage.
The M-Hunter and the Pond Of Insurance Clients
Ah Seng’s “office” is not in Raffles Place. His office is the Tanglin Club or the Sentosa Golf Club lounge. He doesn’t go there to play golf—he cannot even swing a club properly. He goes there to “float.”
He’s like a duck, lor. On the surface, he looks very calm, very steady pom pi pi, sipping his Earl Grey tea. But underneath the water? His legs are paddling like crazy, scanning the room for the target.
The Insurance Client Target Profile
He’s looking for a specific type of tai tai:
- The “Lonely Goldfish”: Husband is always in Shanghai or Dubai doing “business.”
- The Wardrobe: Head-to-toe Chanel, but her eyes look like she haven’t laughed since the LKY era.
- The Vibe: Sitting alone, scrolling Facebook, or complaining about the maid to nobody.
The “Approach”
Ah Seng is a pro. He won’t just walk up and say, “Eh auntie, want to buy ILP?” No lah, that one is amateur.
He will wait for a small opening. Maybe she drops her designer silk scarf. He will pick it up, give her one 45-degree K-drama smile, and say:
“Excuse me, Madam, I think your scarf also want to run away because it cannot stand how beautiful you are today. Very dangerous, you know? Need to protect your assets.”
Choy! So cringe, right? But for a woman who hasn’t had a compliment since her last Botox appointment, this is like water in the desert.
The “Closing”
Before you know it, they are sitting together. He’s showing her “insurance policy charts” on his iPad, but the font size is so small she has to lean in. He smells like Jo Malone Wood Sage & Sea Salt—expensive but “safe.”
He listens to her talk about her ungrateful children and her husband’s mistress in Batam. He nods, he sighs, he touches her hand lightly and says, “Auntie—I mean, Catherine—life is short. You need someone to take care of you, not just your money.” Then come liao start to sell insurance.
By the end of the month, Ah Seng has a new “client.” She buys a massive $500k single-premium plan from him (commission: huat ah!), and in return, Ah Seng becomes her personal chauffeur, her dinner date, and her “gym instructor.” If you know what I mean but not exercising in the gym.
The Life of a Insurance Duck
People gossip, of course. They see him driving a new Porsche Taycan and they sneer, “See, another duck looking for breadcrumbs.”
But Ah Seng don’t care. He just adjust his tie, checks his skin (he’s very particular about his Nuclear Plan for his complexion, must look smooth for the aunties), and heads to the next Country Club.
In Singapore, everybody is selling something. Ah Seng? He’s just selling the dream that you’re still young. And for the lonely rich, that price tag is never too high.