Wah lau, this group of friends ah, really no cure one. Every Friday night, instead of going gym or watching Netflix, they gather at the same Marsiling coffee shop to update their “KPI.” In this circle, your face value doesn’t matter; only your “Chicken” mileage matters.
The Hierarchy of the Bird Nest
At the bottom of the food chain, you have Ah Seng. The fellas call him Chicken Muscle (肌肉). Why? Because he only got the “muscle” to talk, but no “liver” to go. He always join the Telegram groups, see the photos, comment “swee ah,” but when the time come to book, he say he need to go home feed his cat. All talk, no action.
Then you have Xiao Ming, the Chicken Brother (鸡哥). He is the reliable one. Once a month, after salary come in, he will quietly disappear to Geylang. He’s like your average office worker—consistent, humble, never go for the “Premium” categories. Just a standard transaction.
The Mid-Tier Madness
Higher up, things get weird. There’s Fatty, whose nickname is KFC (肯德基). Not because he like fried chicken, but because his taste is “Original Recipe”—he only go for the old-school, vintage aunties at the massage parlours. He say the “seasoning” is better.
Then there is Derrick, the legendary Midnight Chicken Breast (午夜鸡胸). This guy is a specialist, sibeh particular. He don’t care about the face; he only care about specific… anatomy. He only go out after 12am because he say “The darkness makes the imagination better.”
The Royal Court
But the top two? These two are world-class.
First is Ah Huat, the Chicken King (鸡王). This guy knows every back alley from Desker Road to Orchard Towers. He has a spreadsheet—no joke—tracking prices, service quality, and “waiting time.” If you want to know who is “real face” or “scam,” you ask the King.
But even the King must bow to Lao Lan, the Chicken God.
Why Chicken God? Because he is always at the end of every “line.” Whether it’s a new opening in a KTV or a freelance arrival from overseas, he is the first one in the queue and the last one to leave. He has spent so much money on “chickens” that the friends joke the Geylang economy would collapse if he ever got a girlfriend.
One night, Ah Seng (the Muscle) tried to brag: “Eh, I think I going to level up to Chicken General soon, I saw a very chio one today…”
The Chicken King just took a sip of his Tiger beer and sighed. “General? Limpeh spend more on ‘protection fees’ and tips in one month than your whole year basic salary, leh. You go home and watch YouTube, better.”
The whole table burst out laughing. In this kingdom, the only thing higher than their “rank” was their credit card debt.