For context I’m an early 30’s male, in a relationship for 7 years with an early 30’s female, and we have two small children. A few years ago, I was in terrible credit card debt, which my partner cleared me of with $17k of her savings. We never set a serious repayment schedule or plan, as we were together and knew we’d stay together, with her savings likely going towards a deposit for a house at some point.
Fast forward to a few years later, I bring home around $3800 a month, she brings home around $1200 nett from her online business. I work 40 hours a week and do roughly 8 – 12 hours a week in a second job. She does not work, looks after our son during the day, and takes/collects our slightly older daughter from school.
Our financial situation has been poor until recently when I really took control and got us out of a real rut. My financial planning and taking on a second job have allowed me to pay off $600 of her credit card debt, a defaulted $300 debt of mine, I comfortably paid off a small holiday we were worried over, I’ve paid $130 for her to have her hair done in the last week, I’ve bought her new shoes she wanted and basically she has free reign with our money. My recently acquired sense with money has meant that we don’t go without at all, even when having to pay out around $300 to get our car fixed, paying for days out with the kids or budgeting for stuff like increased bills and transport expenses.
Whenever I suggest saving for something that I want (a guitar of around $900) I am met with an attitude that essentially says “no way”.
I flat out asked her what it would take for me to be able to buy something like that without her being annoyed and her answer was “I really don’t know.”
Am I the arsehole for wanting to spend some of the money I earn on me? I’m out working extra hours to ensure we don’t go without, and as a result we are thriving rather than surviving. I definitely feel like she sees more right to spending our money, even though I’m out earning it.
I understand that I’m technically $17k in the hole, but considering our financial situation has completely reversed and now I’m the saviour of our bank balance and not her, I feel like I’m doing a lot of work (missing out with my children because of it) and the only benefit to me is that we’re not struggling every month.
I know that saving etc. can take time – I’m not trying to take away from anything we have to treat myself, I’m willing to save even if it takes months and months. Do I need to fully pay off that $17k before I have a say?